


Our Afflictions

by marytalouise



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bullying, Depression, F/M, M/M, Self Harm, Slow Build, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:31:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marytalouise/pseuds/marytalouise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger can't remember how to love. He doesn't want to remember - he's fine being known as the boy with an attitude and long sleeves. Suddenly he has a chance encounter with Levi, a senior from his high school, that will change his life (however short it may be). Levi has always had an issue with cleanliness and the like; so much so that it's affected his life in the most basic of ways. When the whirlwind that is Eren Jaeger crashes into his life, his eyes are opened to the beauty that such  a filthy world hides.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meeting.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eeeeeeeeeerenjaegar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eeeeeeeeeerenjaegar/gifts), [S_N_Sterling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_N_Sterling/gifts).



> Just a few things before you get to reading.
> 
> \---There will be a self harm scene, although it's minor. If you think you may have a problem with it please proceed with caution.
> 
> \---This fic will be extremely emotional for me because some of the events will be inspired by my own personal scenarios. That being said, it will also contain things I'm unsure about but I'll be trying my best to find out about things I don't know.
> 
> \--- Lastly, if you're reading one of my works for the first time and this happens to be it, I hope you're ready for a roller coaster ride of emotions. If you're a returning reader, welcome to a totally different AU and a somewhat different set of events. This fic won't be like my others.
> 
> Also, thank you to Sterling who helped me to decide to go through with this particular work and eeeeeeeeeerenjaegar for the putting the prompt up on tumblr. Ah, okay I'm done now! Carry on.

_Eren's earliest memory involved a fight in kindergarten and parents he couldn't quite understand._

_A small and angry Eren stood in the kitchen of his home. His mother stood staring at her son with sad eyes, his father with disappointed eyes. Eren couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong, the boy had been making fun of him and stealing his toys. Eren just wanted to protect what was his, just like his father protected the family when people had tried to take away his sister._

_His parents didn’t give him time to explain, and only repeated and drilled the idea into him that fighting was wrong, that he had to play nice even if there were reasons not to. Eren couldn’t understand why his parents weren’t on his side, why they wouldn't let him explain and he ran into his room to bury his head in the pillow on the bed and cry his emotions away. That was the first time Eren had experienced anger, and it only grew worse as the years wore on._

_Four years later and Eren was nine now. He had left for school that morning in a rage after fighting with his mom over the state of his messy room. It hadn’t been that bad, at least by Eren’s standards, and he had left without saying his usual “I love you.”_

_During the afternoon, the school had gotten a call demanding that Eren be taken to the office as his father was there to pick him up._

_On the way home, Eren saw a side of his dad that he hadn’t been aware existed. Tears leaked out of the corner of his eyes although his voice was level as he explained that his mom had been in an accident while driving to the store for cleaning supplies._

_Eren tuned out whatever his dad said next as memories flooded him of the argument from this morning. “If I had just cleaned my room…” The haunting voice in his head repeated the sentence like an accusation and Eren put his head in his hands, squeezing his skull beneath his palms until the voice stopped._

_He stared at his dad, following him numbly as they got out of the car. “He’s not looking at me,” Eren thought idly. “Does he blame me, too? It’s entirely my fault, isn’t it? Mom’s gone, and it’s because of me.”_

_As they stepped into the quiet house, Eren’s father grabbed a bottle of amber-colored liquid from one of the top cabinets and went to his and mom’s…his own room. Eren wondered where Mikasa was, and he went to check her room. He needed to cry, and he needed comfort. It was selfish of him, he knew, but it was what he needed all the same. He opened the door to her room slowly after knocking, and was physically shocked by what he saw._

_Mikasa sat on her bed, absolutely expressionless except for her eyes which were full of pain and sadness that leaked out the corner of her eyes in the form of tears. Her short black hair was as messy as he had ever seen it and she, too, refused to look directly at him. His feet were rooted to the floor and he stared without knowing what to do._

_The voice that came out of her mouth didn’t resemble Mikasa’s voice, but the words were hers and left a gaping wound in his already torn heart: “Eren, can you leave? I need time alone.”_

_Eren couldn’t say anything in response. Who was he to ask for comfort when he hadn’t yet shed a tear and both his father and sister were crying, hurting._

_Eren knew he was hurting but he was also feeling guilt mixed in with the overwhelming grief. His anger from throughout his childhood seemed to fill him all at once, and that rage was directed solely at himself. Eren wasn’t thinking and he moved as though he was a zombie. He went to the kitchen to get a trash bag, then to the laundry room for a clothes basket before finally entering his room. Eren felt the rage rise to the surface and he began throwing things into the two types of containers, barely paying attention. As he threw a glass into the clothes bin, he heard the glass shatter. He moved mechanically to pick up the broken pieces and he gasped in shock as one of the glass shards bit into his palm._

_He stared at the blood welling in the middle of his hand for a moment before laughing incredulously. He had actually been able to focus on something else other than death for the few peaceful moments he had been in pain from the wound. Eren grabbed the piece of glass already stained with his blood and dragged a purposeful line across his wrist. His mind emptied except for the feeling of pain and he sighed in relief. There was something that could help him with this guilt. He had hurt his mother – killed her, in fact. He should be hurting too, until the day he died._

These were the stories he’d been crazy enough to spill out to his psychiatrist while being high off hospital painkillers, mainly a morphine drip, after a particularly nasty cut had gotten infected and refused to heal properly.

These were the stories he’d kept from his psychologist for a reason. He didn’t want help, didn’t want people to know what was wrong. If they tried to fix him, and succeeded, what would he have left? He couldn’t stop his self-punishment, or his father wouldn’t forgive him.

“My father?” he thought as he stared at the quaint building in front of him now. This was the place his psychologist had recommended to Mikasa for his group therapy. In addition to the new pills, Aplenzin, Eren was required to attend group therapy at least twice a month but could choose to go every week. It was supposed to be like “Alcoholics Anonymous but for mental health issues,” according to his psychologist. “My father?” he wondered again. “What does he matter anyway, he left us months ago.”

_Mikasa had turned eighteen today and Eren had bought her a new scarf that she had been wanting. It was red, and it was soft enough that it shouldn’t scratch her even if she wore it for long periods of time. He stepped into the living room closing the door behind him when he noticed Mikasa was sitting at the table, a wad of cash in her hand and a note in front of her._

_Eren was scared to ask, but he knew he had to. “Mikasa, where did you get that?”_

_Mikasa looked up and those eyes were muted versions of the eyes she had had on the day their mother died._

_“Dad… He left. He said I’m eighteen now, I can take care of you. Also, he said that he would send money every month to help us out.” She laughed without a hint of mirth. “I guess it’s a good thing I graduated early. I can go get a job, at least.” She set a few bills on the table and stood up._

_“I’m going for a drive. Make something, order something. I don’t care. I’ll be back in a little – I need time to wrap my mind around the fact that I’m a guardian now.”_

_The door shut with a slam and Eren stared down at the present in his hands. He walked to Mikasa’s room first, setting the present on her bed gently as though if he set it down too hard he’d break the bed too, like he seemed to break everything else he touched._

Eren chuckled to himself at the absolute hopelessness that was his “recovery” before suddenly being hit by something small but extremely solid.

 

~

_The first memory Levi had was of his kindergarten classmate calling him a freak._

_It was the third week of school and people had already formed their little groups of friends. All the groups without a boy named Levi in any of them. He stood alone at the edge of the playground, watching the other kids play on the playground. Levi didn’t mind being alone, as long as he wasn’t forced to go on that thing that countless of kids were touching with filthy hands._

_He had skipped lunch earlier but now his stomach growled, hungry, and he brought his lunch box out of the classroom. He set the small box on one of the many tables around without touching the table itself and opened the lid. He glared at the contents in disdain and walked to the nearest trash can, dumping the contents in said trash can._

_When he turned around, there was a trio of friends staring at him from a few feet away._

_“What did you dump it for?” asked one. Levi thought his name was Bertholdt. Staying silent but glaring all the same were a blond boy and a blonde girl. Levi just stared back quietly, until Bertholdt repeated the question._

_“The different foods were touching. I can’t eat something like that.” Levi answered seriously._

_Bertholdt laughed incredulously. “You’re kidding, right? Everyone knows you could still eat that. The rest of us do that every day.”_

_Levi knew that, knew he was different from the other kids, but he just_ couldn’t _eat food if it was touching other food of a different kind. He said as much and when he began to walk away, he heard one of them call out “freak!” before turning and running to the playground._

_Levi wondered what that word meant at the time, but as school and the years wore on, he felt as though his name had became synonymous with the word._

_In middle school, the pranks started. Kids would dirty his things on purpose and mess with his lunch. During these years he became progressively thinner and withdrawn – earning perfect scores in P.E. before passing out from hunger and earning A’s without ever speaking in class._

_By high school he was barely functioning, eating only things he’d prepared himself at home and wearing as much clothing as possible to prevent him from touching any of the surfaces at the schools._

_“Don’t wear sweaters until it’s cold, you’ll end up looking like Levi in no time,” friends would warn each other. People knew perfectly well that Levi could hear these "jokes" but none of them really cared. Levi never reacted to their words and most kids whispered about how Levi was so cold he could freeze their water if he held it and so the jokes continued. The jokes were dumb and the people who said them were dumber but Levi hated drama more than anything else and refused to confront anyone. However, those jokes did hurt him and he fervently wished he could be as cold as everyone believed he was. He wanted to wrap his heart in ice so that nothing could hurt him._

Levi had told his own therapist about all the things he was feeling, and had been recommended to group therapy as a way to focus on something that wasn’t directly related to him. He didn’t have to talk, he could just listen.

Levi had rolled his eyes but had come all the same because if he didn’t come to group, he’d have to have more sessions with his therapist one-on-one.

Levi switched on his iPod, putting the plugs in his ears. As he was shifting through his music, trying to decide which Breathe Caroline song to play, he smashed into someone taller than him.

He lifted his face, a glare already in place but he blinked in slight surprise as he recognized the kid as someone from his school. He was tan with brown hair and a slightly athletic build but the most captivating thing about him was his eyes. He had strange-colored eyes, a dark blue green that reflected all the emotions he wished he could express and that automatically caused Levi to be wary of him.

Eren looked down into gray eyes that seemed devoid of emotion, or any kind of warmth for that matter, and he marveled at the other teen’s smooth skin. It was pale, but he could only see the face of the other teen because of a sweater and pants, even though it was still warm out; although, Eren couldn’t exactly judge because he, too, wore a long sleeved shirt and jeans.

Suddenly those eyes narrowed at him and Eren blinked in surprise.

“Tch. Anonymous my fucking ass,” he muttered before entering the building and shutting the door behind him with a slam.

Eren stared, shocked. He’d only just met the guy and he was slamming doors in his face? What the fuck was his problem?

Eren’s brow furrowed in annoyance and he opened the door. The receptionist lifted her eyes from the computer screen.

“Are you here for the group therapy?” she asked.

Eren nodded and the girl motioned for him to enter a door off to the side.

Eren opened it and entered an open room. It was all muted colors – beige and white with tan accents. Eren frowned at the dull colors and took a seat in the cliche circle of chairs. He noticed that Levi was sitting at about a forty-five degree angle to him and couldn’t help but sneak looks at him curiously.

Levi noticed the little shit giving him looks that he probably thought Levi couldn’t see and when Levi noticed his eyes start to shift he stared right at Eren.

The color that spread across his cheeks would have been amusing if the therapist hadn’t chosen that moment to walk in and start the session.

She had dirty blonde hair cut his a long bob and caramel colored eyes, a thin waist and small build. She looked sweet, and it bothered Eren. Nobody was ever what they seemed.

“Hi, everyone,” she smiled. “I’m Petra, and I’ve been put in charge of this group therapy. As you’ve all hopefully been told, this group will meet every week although most of you are only required to come here every other week. This will be just a kind of getting-to-know-you session with ice-breakers and whatnot. So, let’s start with you,” she said pointing to Eren. “Just say your name, age, and anything else you’d like to share.”

Eren glanced around the circle and Levi noticed that the kid’s eyes were still shining as fiercely as they were before. “Do they always shine like that?” he wondered.

"I’m Eren Jaeger, I’m seventeen and a junior in high school.” He closed his mouth when an almost audible snap and Levi stared. So that was Eren, the infamous fighter in the grade below Levi’s own.

Eren lowered his head to stare at the floor and when it came time for Levi’s introduction he watched for Eren’s reaction.

“I’m Levi, I’m eighteen and I’m a senior.”

Levi’s eyes widened in surprise; the kid hadn’t even moved. Normally anyone who heard his name would immediately become wary and stare but Eren hadn’t moved a muscle. Levi wasn’t quite sure why he wanted Eren to react, but he was somewhat disappointed by the lack of some type of reaction. Was it possible that this junior didn’t know who he was? It was almost embarrassing, mostly because Levi knew who Eren was but it didn’t seem to be the same the other way around.

The fifty minutes of group passed quickly as other patients had bigger mouths than either Levi or Eren and actually participated in the preplanned ice-breakers. Eren and Levi, who hadn’t spoken another word after their introductions were asked by Petra to stay behind as the others shuffled out.

“Next time, can you guys try to participate a little more? The point of therapy is to... well, you know, talk it out.”

Eren’s answer was immediate. “No promises. I’ve got to go.”

Levi watched him go as he answered Petra with a similar phrase.

 

~

Fridays were Levi’s least favorite school day and he just wanted to go home and be alone. By seventh period he was sure he was about to murder someone but he was on his way to deliver a stack of printer paper to the computer room when the said room’s door opened and smacked right into him.

Levi rubbed his head, disgusted at the fact his skin had made contact with the door. He’d have to shower as soon as school was over. He glanced up, ready to yell at the fucking idiot who had hit him but there were a pair of familiar and unique turquoise eyes staring at him which surprised him into silence.

“Hey, you’re from my group. You’re Levi, right? Sorry about the door. Watch where you’re going next time, yeah?” Eren smiled a small smile that held no warmth and began to walk away.

Levi reached out and grabbed his leg and Eren jumped in surprise. Levi was surprised himself but he didn’t let go.

“Help me pick this shit up,” he muttered, gesturing to the scattered pages around them. Eren sighed and tried to kick Levi’s hand away.

“I have stuff to do, let go.”

Levi’s grip just tightened.

“Stop being a dick and just help me already,” he growled. "I want to go home as much as you do. Probably more."

Eren glanced at the hand holding him in place and the paper around them. After a moment of deliberation he sighed and got down on all fours to pick up the papers.

“I can’t believe this,” he grumbled.


	2. Interactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, a few quick notes again:
> 
> \---Firstly! Wow, thank you so much, I got a lot of positive feedback on the first chapter, both through AO3 and the people who read it on tumblr. You're all awesome!
> 
> \---Second, there will be a self harm scene at the end, and throughout there's hints of Eren's depressive thought process and may be triggering.
> 
> \---And thank you again to eeeeeeeeeerenjeagar (Harley) because she has swapped ideas with me and we've come up with so many scenarios for the story that I'm excited to implement, and also to Sterling who made me laugh after the cry-fest that resulted with the idea-swapping.
> 
> \---Also, I know this was a super-quick update, but that's because I put off homework and other things to get it done, so I can't promise the updates will all be this quick.
> 
> \---Lastly, I listened to [this song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghGTvFjD8AI) a lot while writing, if anyone is interested.
> 
> Enjoy!

Eren glanced up at the darkening sky, wondering how it had gotten to be so late. His hair was wet from showering at the gym and he shivered as a slight breeze ghosted across the damp locks.

He muttered to himself about the damn senior he had run into near the end of school. Thanks to Levi, Eren had been late in running around and getting errands done, and therefore he had arrived at the gym later than usual.

He had gotten the normal stares at his odd choice of clothing – running shorts and a long-sleeved workout shirt. He worked up more of a sweat than anyone else in the gym because of it, but Eren would rather have people think he was weird for his choice of clothing rather than think he was weird for the wounds that covered his lower arms. If people found out, they would just have more ammunition for the taunts he faced at school.

The stares and usual bullying at school, coupled with his frustration at the day’s earlier delay, caused him to lose track of time as he was running and lifting and had resulted in an even bigger time delay. Now it was already almost 7:30 and he was cranky from lack of food and sleep.

Eren caught sight of the sign of his favorite café and he ducked in to the cozy-looking building tucked away on the main street. The lights inside were dimmed and only a few college students were seated around inside the shop, taking full advantage of the free wi-fi offered and stocking up on some much needed caffeine.

Eren set his gym and school bags down at the table located in the farthest corner and walked over to the counter to order a coffee; he still had homework to do and he felt like it would be a long night. He liked getting all of his homework done before Saturday and Sunday, as he liked the lowered levels of stress.

Tonight, the owner of the café was working at the register. “Eren!” She called out cheerfully. “You’re here later than usual. What’s up?”

Eren gave her a sheepish smile. “My schedule got messed up today and I’m gonna try to get some homework done before I head home. Can I get my usual?”

“A white chocolate mocha is coming right up!” Her tan hands wrote the order on the cup and her brown eyes, protected by glasses, were concentrated like the simple order was the most important one she would have all day. Eren smiled at it, but he knew that it was one of the qualities that made her café so successful; she treated each customer as important as the next one and that really stuck with people.  Her brown hair was tied up in a slightly messy ponytail and she wore a lightly tan-colored apron that matched the color scheme of the rest of the café. Idly Eren thought about how the café was decorated in the same colors as the group therapy room, yet he was infinitely more comfortable in the small space here than at the café. Her nametag read Hanji with a small red heart sticker, but Eren had already known her name as this was a spot he frequented and he had seen her enough times to consider themselves acquaintances at least. He paid for the drink with a smile, and money of course, and went to wait at ‘his’ corner of the café.

Eren pulled his laptop out of his schoolbag and booted up the computer. Once he had logged onto his profile, he opened the browser and then went to Google Docs so he could begin working on an English project. It was the middle of September and the academic school year was in full swing. Eren was determined to get good grades this year; he wanted to make Mikasa proud, he wanted to give her some kind of assurance that he would be okay no matter what his psychologist talked with her about behind his back.

Eren didn’t bother glancing up as another customer came through door, but he did wonder at their reason for coming in so late. He figured it was another college student and began typing out his analysis to “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson. Eren was working on explaining and supporting how the objective narrator had added to the tone of the story when he heard a semi-familiar voice along with Hanji’s.

“I just want the tall today,” the voice was saying. He could practically hear Hanji’s disapproving glare show up in her voice.

“You need more calories, so I’m giving you a grande.”

The first voice growled. “If I wanted a grande, I would have asked for a fucking grande. Just give me the tall, you stupid four-eyes.”

Hanji’s amused laughter carried through the café and caused other customers to smile a bit, but Eren’s head snapped up and his eyes were giving a look that could kill. He wouldn’t tolerate name-calling of one of his favorite people, least of all someone as nice as Hanji was.

His eyes landed on a short, thin figure dressed in skinny jeans and a black hoodie and he blinked. For some reason the form looked familiar.

“Grumpy as always, aren’t you Levi?” Hanji grinned.

Eren’s mouth dropped open. He couldn’t believe his absolutely shitty luck. He had never seen Levi before the group meeting and now he had run into him twice in one day, one of those times quite literally. Eren quickly turned his head back to his screen, hoping to remain unseen but at that moment Hanji began talking again.

“Will you take this back to the table in the corner? He’s one of my favorite, and most loyal, customers but he looks busy so I don’t want to bother him by making him stand.”

 _You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!_ Eren screamed internally.

Eren didn’t look up even as footsteps made their way towards his section and a cup of coffee was set down on the table in behind his laptop.

“What - no thank you? What a brat,” a slightly amused voice murmured.

Eren’s eyes snapped up to settle on Levi’s face and he glared. “Fuck off.”

Levi did the exact opposite and took the chair in front of him. Eren groaned. “Are you hard of hearing or something? I said fuck off.”

Levi stared at him calmly. “My ears work just fine. Hanji said you were one of her favorite customers but I’ve never seen you hear before.”

His voice lifted slightly at the end, the statement turning into something that sounded like a question.

Eren continued to glare. “Well, thanks to a certain _someone_ from school, my schedule was a little messed up and I’m here later than usual.”

Levi’s brows rose at the tone of Eren’s voice but his own voice was even, and if Eren had known Levi better he might have even said his voice was slightly amused. “I wonder who could’ve put your schedule _so_ out of place.”

Eren “hmph”-ed and looked back to his screen muttering something that sounded suspiciously to Levi  like, “It was you, you idiot.”

Levi was oddly curious about the boy who had no idea who he was, or seemed not to care about his reputation if he did know. Normally he would have been ignored and eventually he would have left but the reactions of the kid were almost endearing to him. Well, it was certainly different anyways. Eren’s petulant expression told Levi that he was annoyed but too unconcerned to tell him to get lost for a third time.

Levi leaned across the table, shutting Eren’s laptop and the younger one’s eyes flashed in annoyance.

He went to open his mouth but closed it abruptly as Hanji appeared and a drink was placed next to Levi.

“Do you two know each other?” Hanji asked, curiosity coloring her voice.

Levi shrugged. “I wouldn’t say we know each other,” he paused, glancing at Eren, “but we’re aware of each other.”

Hanji giggled. “What an odd way to put it.”

The door to the café opened with a chime of quiet bells and Hanji excused herself immediately to help the new customer. Eren stared at Levi from across the table, grabbing his drink and pulling his legs up to his chest. “So, did you want to talk?” Eren muttered reluctantly.

Levi nodded and smirked. “How could you tell?”

Eren rolled his eyes as the smartass reply. “Closing my laptop screen was a pretty big clue, along with the fact that you didn’t buzz off when I told you to. So, what do you want?”

Levi shrugged and set his cup down, the sides of it beginning to warm his fingers beyond a comfortable temperature.

“What is it you want?” Eren prompted for a second time.

“I don’t know. You make me curious, and that rarely happens.” Levi shrugged to himself, bringing the cup to his lips before setting it back down. “Tell me things about yourself.”

Eren eyed Levi suspiciously. “Why would I tell a complete stranger anything about me? It’s weird.”

Levi eyed Eren back and matched the sarcastic tone Eren had used. “How are we supposed to stop being strangers otherwise?” He lowered his voice to a volume that Eren couldn’t hear. “Stupid kid.”

Eren let out a strangled sort of laugh and Levi blinked as if to ask ‘what?’

Eren just shook his head and smiled. “No, I think you just said the first reasonable thing since you got here.” He leveled his gaze on Levi again, and it occurred to Eren that he was looking at Levi a lot. “Is there anything you want to know, specifically?” Eren’s voice was pleasant, but Levi saw the flash of warning in Eren’s eyes that seemed to say _I dare you to ask me about group._

Levi could relate enough to that feeling that he decided to not to ignore that particular warning. Levi hummed, wondering what kinds of questions he could ask that _weren’t_ extremely personal. “I guess just give me the basics. I know your name, age, and grade already, but what about slightly more personal stuff? What’s your favorite color, what are your favorite things to do, what sorts of stuff do you like to talk about? All the cliché shit, I suppose.”

Eren sighed. “How dull – fine. My favorite color is gold. I have a sister who’s older than me, and I guess my favorite thing to do is read. I don’t have a favorite book, but I really like Edgar Allan Poe’s work as a general testament to my tastes. I don’t talk a lot, so you’re kind of an anomaly and as such I don’t have a favorite topic of conversation. It’s hard to talk about something you rarely participate in. Anyways, it’s your turn.”

Levi smirked mischievously as he grabbed his coffee cup off the table and stood up. “I never said I’d tell you anything about me, did I? Come here next Friday, same time if you really want to know more about me. I’ll be expecting you.”

Eren watched him walk out with an expression of disbelief plastered on his face. _He has some nerve… And he’s pretty cocky._ Eren mused. He sipped the rest of his coffee in thoughtful silence and Hanji made her way over.

“What, Levi left already?” Eren jumped in surprise and looked up to meet her eyes. Her lips were puckered in a pout and Eren couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped.

“Yeah…” he sighed. “He’s kind of…” His voice trailed off.

Hanji sat down on the edge of the seat, ready to get up at a customer’s arrival. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Don’t mind his weird ways, they’re amusing, and a little charming once you get used to them.” She smiled gently.

Levi mentally doubted that the young adult that had just walked out of the shops could be called ‘charming.’ But he let that slide and instead asked, “How do you know him?”

Hanji’s smiled seemed to grow fonder somehow. “His parents are friends of mine. I’ve known Levi himself since he was born.”

“Ah, is that why you let him talk to you like _that_?” Eren made a face.

Hanji’s brow furrowed until she remembered the small exchange when Levi had first come in and ordered his coffee. “Oh, that. Yeah, I suppose. To him it’s a name of endearment; otherwise he wouldn’t talk to me at all, and I’d be even more worried if he simple called me Hanji. I don’t mind it, and I’m sure that he’d stop if I did mind it.” She paused and smiled again. “He’s actually very perceptive to the feelings of others.”

Eren’s eyes widened. _It sure as hell didn’t seem like it,_ he thought agitatedly.

The door chimed again and Hanji got up. “Well, I’ve gotta get back to work.”

Eren felt something shift in him and he panicked a little inside, but outwardly he smiled. “Yeah, I’m gonna head home. I’ll see you sometime this weekend, hopefully.” _Probably not, if he kept feeling this way,_ he contemplated.

Hanji nodded in agreement and gave a half-wave as she turned to go back to the counter.

Eren gathered his things, sliding his laptop back into his school bag before slinging the two bags over his shoulder; backpack first and then the gym bag following that one.

Eren walked out into the dark and as he glanced at his phone to see the time, he was shocked to see it was already 8:15. Eren made his way slowly to his house, knowing full well what he planned to do once he got home. He always ended up the same way when this kind of mood settled over him and he wanted to prolong it today.

Even so, Eren was home by 8:35 and when he walked in he caught sight of a head of blond hair peaking over the top of the couch.

Eren groaned internally; now that he was home all he wanted to do was be alone.

“Armin?” Eren called out, masking any negative feelings he might be harboring and setting his stuff down on the floor near the table.

The blond hair moved up to reveal a small face looking back. Blue eyes lit up at the sight of Eren and Eren smiled sheepishly. “You don’t have to look that happy to see me. I see you all the time at school.”

Armin’s eyes cooled slightly to stare at him stonily. “Yeah, but I barely get to talk to you. You won’t allow it, _remember_?”

Eren shrugged, kicking off his shoes. “You know why I won’t allow it and it’s a good reason.”

“ _Eren,_ ” Armin whined. “I’ve already told you that I don’t care about that. I don’t care what others- “

Eren cut him off with a voice that caused the atmosphere to thicken and cool. Eren reminded himself to stay calm. It wasn’t Armin’s fault that he was in a mood, and it was true they talked less frequently than he would have liked. “You say that now Armin, but once you’re in the shoes of a victim, you won’t be okay. You are smart, and well-liked. I’m not going to mess either part of that up by having you get bullied because you associate with me.”

Armin rolled his eyes. “People know we’re cousins already, so it’s-“

Again Eren cut him off. Eren was beginning to feel his frustration rise and it reflected in his voice. “True, they know we’re cousins but they also think you avoid me and that’s good enough for them to leave you alone. Don’t screw it up okay? Just please leave it. We talk about this every damn time you’re here and nothing ever changes so just give up already.”

Armin didn’t respond, and the silence stretched out but eventually he spoke and switched the topic instead. “Where were you before you came home? You usually aren’t this late in getting home.”

Eren sighed, flopping down next to Armin as he turned the volume on the television down. He didn’t want to tell Armin to leave and decided to talk to him, however he hoped the conversation would be relatively short.

“I was at the café. I ran into someone from school and we talked.”

Armin made a face but kept quiet. Eren punched Armin’s arm lightly, and motioned for Armin to spit it out.

“It’s just… no offence, but wouldn’t everyone from school just normally ignore you?”

Eren smirked. “Yeah, I would agree with you most days, except the person at the café was Levi.”

Armin’s eyes widened. “You mean _that_ Levi?”

Eren’s eyes narrowed at his tone. “Yes, but don’t judge him. He’s demanding but he isn’t bad, at least from what I’ve seen so far.”

Armin’s eyes remained round, even with Eren’s reassurances. “But you know what they say about him… Weren’t you shocked or nervous?”

Eren scoffed – this whole conversation was wearing him out. “Well, I was shocked sure. I mean he’s known for not talking. However, you hear what they say about me. How much of that is true?”

Armin bit his lip. “Maybe fifty percent of it?”

Eren forced out a laugh. “Ah, maybe I wasn’t the best example. My point is that even though people talk, that doesn’t mean they tell the truth. I’ll determine what kind of person Levi is with my own experiences and encounters with him, not from the mouths of the same people that judge me.”

Armin was staring at Eren and Eren sighed. “Is there something on my face or..?”

Armin shook his head and blushed as he realized he had been staring. “No, it’s just rare to see you even remotely interested in someone. Let alone a guy like, well, _Levi.”_

Eren pushed Armin who toppled onto the carpeted floor, but lightly.

Armin sat up, hair now a mess. “What was that for?” he growled.

“I told you, no judging.” The last two words were punctuated with a poke to Armin’s forehead with each word. Armin covered his forehead, glaring.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled. “I’ll watch myself next time, so don’t push me off the couch. The carpet isn’t nearly as comfortable.”

Eren grinned, most of it not even forced. “That’s the point.”

Armin huffed and sat down next to Eren again. “I kind of have something I want to talk to you about.”

Eren glanced at Armin after hearing the waiver in his voice. “What is it? You sound nervous.”

Armin nodded wordlessly and Eren watched as Armin steeled himself. “I think… I think I’m gay.”

Eren tried to keep his laugh in but failed. Armin glared at Eren, stung. He stood up, reaching to grab his coat but Eren grabbed his hand, laugh lines still showing around his eyes. Although he did want to be alone, it wasn’t worth Armin being mad at him if he just let him stay for a few more minutes.

“I know that took a lot of courage for you Armin, but I pretty much knew already.”

Armin’s mouth dropped open. “Huh? How?”

Eren stared at him as if to say _are you serious?_

“You’ve been talking about that Jean kid for weeks. Please, if it was just friendship you wouldn’t have something to talk about that dealt with him every single time we see each other.”

“Ah,” Armin sighed. “I suppose you have a point there.”

Eren nodded and patted the cushion next to him to appease Armin. Armin set his coat back down and settled on the couch again.

“So,” Eren began. “Does Jean know? About you being gay, at least?”

Armin’s cheeks warmed and Eren grabbed the nearest decoration pillow, whacking Armin on the head with it. He was both annoyed and mildly hurt but he masked that hurt with his joking manner. “You told him you were gay before you told me? I’m hurt, Armin!”

Armin giggled, believing that Eren wasn’t really hurt. “Sorry, sorry, just calm down already.” Armin waved his hand to get the pillow away from his face. “He knows I’m gay, but he doesn’t know I like him. What do I do? Do I just tell him, do I never tell him, what?”

Eren shrugged. “I’m probably not the best person to ask for advice on this, you know?” Armin nodded slowly. “However, if I were you, I would probably drop subtle hints at first. Maybe even pass them off as jokes until you feel like he wouldn’t freak out about the hints if you _were_ serious about them. Once that has gone on for a while, I think you should ask him out on a proper date. Like dinner and a movie or something; if that’s too much, just the dinner or just the movie should be okay.”

Armin’s eyes were full of anxiety and Eren couldn’t help that Armin looked as edgy as he felt. “I suppose that would work, but you know how close-minded our town is…” Armin’s voice trailed off.

Eren waved his hand as if to say not to worry. “That’s relatively easy; go to the theater two towns over. It’s not much of a drive, but most people just go to our town’s theater anyways. Who knows, you might meet others like you and Jean from school and it wouldn’t be a big deal because you guys are the same.”

Armin stared, relief showing in his eyes. “You can just spout all that so calmly. I wish I was a bit more like you and didn’t have a mild freak out over something so small.”

Eren smiled outwardly, but he wished desperately that Armin never became even a miniscule amount like him.

Armin had never been in his head while he was in one of these moods, had never spent time in the hospital ‘sick,’ when in reality a cut had gone too deep and had been infected. Armin had a relatively safe life and that’s all Eren wanted for him.

Armin grabbed his phone out of his coat pocket and muttered about the time. “I’m sorry Eren, it’s already nine and my grandpa will be worried. You know how he gets.”

Eren nodded, sighing in relief but Armin took it as a sigh of loneliness. “Don’t worry,” he said as he patted Eren’s shoulder. “I’ll come over again this weekend, or even Monday night at the latest.”

Eren nodded in a sign that he’d heard and showed Armin out.

As Armin left the house and Eren shut the door behind him, he called Mikasa. “Hi, Mikasa. I just left your house. You told me to tell you if Eren seemed weird, but he was acting mostly normal to me. … Well I talked to him about some personal stuff, so any weirdness may have been caused by that. … Yeah, I’ll tell you. Don’t I always?”

Armin hung up the phone, sticking it back in his coat pocket and walking briskly towards home.

Meanwhile, Eren had gone to his room immediately after Armin’s departure and had opened the bottom drawer on his nightstand. Inside was an old thin box that Eren thought he had gotten as a carrier for a Christmas present years ago, but now he used it for something far more destructive than carrying a present. Eren lifted the lid of the box and dug around in his personal medical supplies until he found the razor he was looking for. He took it out, admiring the way the light made the silver flash in a sick sort of way. Eren shook his head to refocus then got a strip of gauze and several strips of medical tape ready.

He removed his shirt, staring at the scars that littered his arms, dating back to the time he had first self-harmed when he had lost his mother. Eren ran his fingers absentmindedly over the jagged scar in the center of his palm but snapped out of his grief filled memories quickly.

The anxious feeling in his chest was building, pressing against the confines of his ribcage, and Eren began to panic again. _I need to hurry._

His arms were too scarred up and each had wounds too fresh for him to cut over. Eren glanced at his hips, rubbing the skin that dipped just slightly before covering the bone. He placed the thin edge of the razor against that patch of skin and pressed down before move the razor diagonally, effectively tearing through the top layer of skin.

He winced in pain but sighed in relief as the feeling in his chest began to ease up. After several more cuts the feeling was mostly gone and Eren sighed in relief, setting the razor down to disinfect it after covering the fresh cuts.

He let out a muted curse as some of the blood trickled onto his pants and stained the fabric red.

After he finished cleaning the wound Eren cleaned the razor and put everything back into the box, shutting the drawer it was housed in. Eren got up to lock his door and then fell on top of his bed, exhausted. He didn’t even pull his shirt back on before sleep overtook him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TT_TT Eren, my poor baby. I just want to love him to pieces.
> 
> Agh, anyways, right now, I don't have a beta, so if there are mistakes, I apologize and please feel free to tell me where there needs to be corrections; I went through and edited it twice but I still may have missed some things, which tends to happen when you edit your own work.
> 
> Next chapter will be mostly in Levi's POV, and I hope you guys are looking forward to it!


	3. Nightmares and Realities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only real note is that I mention a song called "Flashback" by Calvin Harris. If you could give that a listen before you read, that'd be cool cause it's a great song. c:
> 
> Other than that... Oh God. This chapter.  
> I just. Gooo.

_Levi couldn't move. He stood on a round dais, taller than the people in the room that surrounded it and he wondered idly if it was some kind of pedestal. Below him people stared at him with malicious eyes and Levi couldn't remember what was going on. How had he gotten here? Was there a reason he was up here and all of the others were down below? Was this a joke? Questions kept circling in his mind and he just continued looking down, realizing there wasn't really a way of the structure._

_The people staring up at him were beginning to get covered by a gauzy black mist, rolling between their bodies sensually but the people all continued to touch each other like they couldn't see the filth surrounding them. Levi wanted to yell, to scream at them to run before the mist completely obscured them, to warn them that they were just sitting ducks if they didn't move, but as he opened his mouth, the mist began to actually touch the people rather than move between them and their skin seemed to absorb the blackness willingly. Now Levi's mouth hung open in horror rather than warning, and he couldn't understand what he was watching._

_Why didn't these people fight it? Not a single one struggled, and Levi watched as the mist completely disappeared in the air, instead occupying the space inside the people's bodies. Levi stared at the people below him, waiting for some sort of reaction, but all was still and the eerie silence caused goose bumps to raise on Levi's skin._

_Suddenly, all the different eyes turned the same cloudy black that had just been floating in the air and smiles appeared on their faces, but instead of pearly whites they looked like Levi imagined black holes did; those smiles took the colors out of the room, drowning everything in black, and Levi felt himself begin to panic. He knew he should leave, should find safety, but he just couldn't remember how he'd gotten here, couldn't remember even seeing a way to get out. He racked his brain for any memories and cursed silently at himself when nothing of note popped into his panic-muddled brain._

_As he began looking around desperately for something, anything to help him, a girl with blonde hair turned her face so that it directly lined up to where Levi stood. Levi felt a chill run down his spine and the girl yelled up to him with a voice loud and crystal clear, "Freak!"_

_Levi wouldn't have been bothered by the word (after all, he had been called that particular name many times), except that the black mist exited her body through her mouth, heading towards him like a bullet - a physical manifestation that showed off what those kinds of words did to him emotionally._

_Levi dodged the single strand of black mass easily but stared around him aghast as everyone began yelling at once, realizing he couldn't take it if they did that._

_"Loser!"_

_"You're such a waste of space."_

_"Get lost already."_

_"Nobody wants you here."_

_"Weakling."_

_"Shut in."_

_"Gross!"_

_The cocaphany of voices made Levi's head swim and a swarm of black mist made its way towards him, black tendrils reaching out to where Levi was. He could do nothing but stare in horror as the rushed closer, too fast and too many in number to dodge. Just as Levi thought nothing could help him and the mist had almost reached him, shining arms wrapped him in a golden warm hug and the mist shied away as though burned by the light._

_Levi couldn't help but feel relief and for once he felt no disgust, no horror, no hurt at being touched. He wondered who the kind stranger was that had just saved him and he looked up, attempting to make his eyes convey his sincere gratitude. He felt his body react to the shock as he recognized Eren's turquoise eyes staring back at him._

_"You could've been hurt, why did you save me?" he whispered. Although his voice was small the tone that implied Eren was an idiot wasn't dampened at all. As the mist continued to swirl around them, drowning out everything but the shining light, Eren smiled a smile that somehow made Levi think of an angel._

_His voice was soft but serious as he answered, "Don't you know, Levi? I'll always find a way to save you."_

Levi's eyes snapped open to harsh morning light as his lungs took in a deep, shuddering breath. He remained still as his body got accustomed to the rude awakening and, although to anyone else he would have seemed calm remaining so still, his heart was hammering like a caged animal's in his chest, fighting to break free against the confines that were his ribs.

Levi sat up as the erratic heartbeat slowed down, glaring about the room grumpily although no one was there to see it. The room was still spotless and there were no signs of the mist from his nightmares, although he knew it was stupid to look for it in the real world.

He sighed, trying to remember what day it was and he realized it was Sunday. _I wonder if I'll see Eren at school tomorrow,_ he mused. When he caught himself thinking that way, he gave his head a few hard shakes in an attempt to dislodge the thoughts but all he accomplished was a headache and he held his head in his hands in an attempt to stop the throbbing that had started.

 _Coffee, I need coffee._ He pulled the covers back and dressed in a pair of black sweats and a short sleeved dark gray shirt. He was at home where he kept everything spotless, and so he didn't to worry about getting himself filthy. His mind conjured up images from the nightmare as the word filthy entered his brain and he shuddered, padding into the modernized kitchen trying to dispel the displeasing images.

Glancing around the kitchen, everything was angular and varying shades of white, gray or black and the theme recurred often throughout the house but Levi liked it that way. Colors made things complicated and busy looking, but simplicity was always Levi's first choice.

Levi reached up to open the cabinet containing the coffee grounds and when he grabbed the canister of Columbian, he groaned. He had enough to make this morning's pot of coffee but he would have to run to the store later if he planned on having it tomorrow before school, or even if he wanted more throughout the day - which he normally did. Levi debated for several moments on whether or not to make some sort of breakfast food but eventually decided against it; the nightmare had left his stomach in knots and he didn't think he could handle anything that had substantial nutritional value right now.

As the coffee began to brew, Levi made his way back down the hall to his room to grab a pack of cigarettes lying on his study desk. There was no reason to hide them; he was eighteen already and even if he hadn't been, his parents hadn't lived here in a while and couldn't tell him what to do about it, though Hanji did try in their place. His parents were off doing great things in other countries "for science" while Levi was stuck here to worry about coffee and nightmares, and no matter how Levi saw it objectively it still pissed him off. He knew that his parents needed to work and that most of their jobs were "once  in a lifetime" kind of jobs, but he was still just in high school. Of course he could take care of himself, but sometimes it would have been nice not to drink coffee alone in the morning or come home to silence. He had thought about inviting Hanji over more than once, but had decided against it as he knew she might get carried away and visit him every day or something.

Levi lighted the cigarette breathing in the smoke calmly, the first inhale one of the harsher ones but he didn't cough and didn't mind the slow burn in his lungs. He went to the window set in the wall next to his dresser, opening the curtains and then the glass pane. He blew the smoke outside and watched as it disappeared into the morning air.

With his house being on located on one of the hillier residencies in the area, he could see most of the town from his window and he had a fleeting that about wondering what Eren was up to right now. "Damn it," he muttered grouchily to himself. If he had to deal with the kid during his dreams he could at least try to keep his thoughts away from him while he was awake. Levi knew the junior wasn't eighteen yet, at least, but he definitely didn't know anything about his family or what they were like. He didn't even know Eren that well and for all he knew the other teen could be straight as a pole. Having any sort of thoughts that might lead to Levi taking even more interest in Eren were bad ones and he reprimanded himself sternly, telling himself that he was only allowed to think about the things he needed or wanted to do today. He knew that saying something and practicing it were different, but he felt as though giving it a try couldn't hurt.

Levi sighed, finishing his cigarette rather quickly before tapping the butt out and flicking it to the ground outside. He shut the window, then the curtains and got re-dressed in dark blue jeans and a sweater as he planned to put his coffee into a to-go cup and go out instead of drinking it inside.

Grabbing a relatively big-sized thermos cup, Levi poured the coffee into the container, grabbed a piece of white bread and his house keys then made his way out of the house, shutting the door behind him.

He wanted to pay a visit to his favorite place before going to the store so Levi made his way around the house, entering the small forest-like area that bordered most of the houses backyards built on this hill. The late morning light that had been just resting warmly on Levi's back cooled and Levi smiled as the temperature drop correlated with the growing dimness. He really wasn't a fan of bright things, whether it was generally bright things or something like the sun, and he loved the way the light only filtered through the thick branches of the trees as little golden spots on the ground, giving off the illusion that Levi was totally alone – but it was a different kind of seclusion than that of his empty home.

Levi admired the natural beauty around him and he smiled without much humor at the irony. Most of the people who bullied him at school for being such a neat-freak would probably be confused as hell to find him here, roaming a forest area, walking with a piece of bread and coffee, but they misunderstand his fears. Everyone always did, but no one bothered to even ask and Levi didn’t bother correcting them. Other than food touching, Levi wasn't afraid of germs exactly, at least the kind of germs most people thought off. He was just afraid to touch things that other human's had touched, their ugly personalities giving off negative energy and contaminating everything they touched. Levi knew that people were cruel and his entire school career could be used to reinforce the statement, from the first three weeks of kindergarten when Bertholdt & Co. had given him the nickname “freak.” Levi feared that somehow that cruelty would transfer to him if he touched the same things, that he would become as mean and petty as the people he saw every day. He had been subjected to other kinds of cruelty even before school, before Hanji had become his 'guardian' and he'd had a... the closest word he could think of was a governess, but the only thing she had taught him was how to hide pain, be it physical or emotional. His therapist insisted that his problems with human surfaces were all in his head and had resulted because of the times when he was subjected to abuse, but that's what the medication was for: to try to fix the things in his head that made him view the world the way he did and to help him with coming to terms with the past. _Those haven't worked in years, though,_ Levi thought bitterly.

His darkened mood brightened just a little as Levi stepped into a small clearing with a small natural pond in the center. The water was a mossy green, reflecting the scenery around it but sparkling as the sunlight hit it through the openings in the trees. Levi felt a stab of awe at how beautiful it was, along with a stab of disappointment when he realized that the ducks he usually saw hanging around the pond weren't there today. Levi walked to the edge of the pond, setting the slice of bread on a fair-sized rock for another animal to have or for the ducks to have when they returned from whatever adventure they were on. Levi closed his eyes gently and tilted his head up towards the sky, breathing in the clear air and letting it fill his longs – a sharp contrast to the smoke that had filled them no later than half an hour before. It was hard for him to imagine in that moment that just a ten minutes walk was all that separated him from the town's busy life. Here, Levi felt no pressure to keep his heart closed off, no pressure to become someone he wasn't, no pressure to be guarded against harsh words and pointless pranks. He felt at peace here more than anywhere else and it was the reason he loved this little piece of paradise.

Without it, Levi wondered what he would have done during all those times he couldn't handle the people he'd be sure to see in town, his tormentors from school, nor the silence that his own home offered as a result from his parents’ absence. This was his only true sanctuary, and as far as he was aware he was the only person who even knew of its existence. It both comforted him and saddened him that he was the only one to enjoy the beauty and the peace, but he had no one to share it with and he had yet to come across someone that made him want to show it off.

Levi sighed, opening his eyes and taking a sip of the black coffee, the bitter taste of the Columbian bean rolling over his tongue in a way that soothed, yet energized, him like nothing else could. Levi sighed and glanced around the clearing, deciding it was time to head back. He his phone out of his back pocket with the hand that wasn’t holding the coffee, and noted that it was almost ten and that if he walked fast he could reach the supermarket downtown in about twenty minutes.

However, Levi decided to take his time and he turned, pulling out his earphones from another pocked and going to his phone’s music player. Levi scrolled through the songs slowly, looking for something fast, something he could walk to. He settled on Calvin Harris' "Flashback" and began walking back the way he had come, setting the player to shuffle the other songs in the same genre. Walking through the town Levi thanked whoever was listening that most teenagers would be in bed until noon and that he wouldn't be likely to see a lot of people who knew him from school at the store.

Roughly thirty-five minutes later Levi walked through the automatic doors of Raley’s and into the slightly-warmer-than-outside store. Levi didn't bother grabbing one of the ugly, and probably filthy, red carts or hand baskets since he had only come for coffee anyways. Levi began walking towards the coffee aisle when he caught a semi-familiar form out of the corner of his eye.

Turning fully to look at the outline, Levi saw Eren in the breakfast foods aisle surrounded by seniors in Levi's class. They were the trio of kids who had first called Levi a freak, who had continued to call him freak and to torment him, and Levi narrowed his eyes, watching the scene to see what was happening and how Eren would react, trying to judge if the younger teen could handle the situation on his own.

Annie, the blonde girl's name, was glaring at Eren with blue eyes that reminded Levi of glaciers – hard and impossibly cold. Berthold, the brown-haired boy who Levi had assumed to be the leader in kindergarten, sat back with sickeningly amused smirk on his face and the other boy, a blond, sat back with a guilty expression. Levi wondered if he was against what Annie and Berdholdt were doing, but then he decided that it didn’t matter. It was just a matter of time before you became more like the people you hung out with and Levi figured that it was just a matter of time before Reiner showed that he, too, was a bully.

"You caused a lot of problems for me with our last fight, you fucking worthless kid," Annie growled. "I got grounded by my father and you have no idea how rare that is. Not to mention I _also_ got in trouble with the school when it was obviously your fault."

Even from a distance Levi could see Eren's turquoise eyes flash dangerously at the accusation everyone in the group knew was false.

Eren's voice was even as he replied but Levi could hear the faintest of tremors that told him the calm was forced. "You provoked me, Annie. Now fuck off, I don't want to get into another fight, for Mikasa's sake."

Levi blinked. He knew that name, but he couldn’t remember why it was familiar. Was that his girlfriend? They had different last names, so it was possible and Levi felt a stab of annoyance, and something like jealousy, before he refocused on the confrontation happening down the aisle. Levi could vaguely here people murmuring behind him and moving on, realizing that something bad was going down and waiting for it to end before coming back to get whatever stupid piece of food they needed. _What a bunch of cowards,_ he seethed. _This is why I fucking lost faith in the 'good qualities' of humanity._

Bertholdt stepped forward, his height drawing even with Eren's own and Levi tensed, watching as the two were too close for it to be anything but bad.

Bertholdt's voice was controlled but Levi doubted anyone would be able to miss the malice lying underneath the words. He could also see that each word out his mouth was accentuated by a puff of breath blown into Eren’s face as the words tumbled out of Bertholdt’s mouth and Levi could clearly imagine how much more that probably angered Eren; it angered Levi to just watch.

"Apologize to Annie, _now,_ you piece of shit _."_ Levi recognized the tone that threatened 'or else,' and when both Eren's and Reiner's hands tensed, Levi moved quickly. So quickly, in fact, that the entire group was shocked by the sudden intrusion, including Eren.

Levi glared at the group standing in front of him, standing next to Eren. He knew that standing in front would send the message that Eren was being protected, and that doing so would only cause more problems.

Bertholdt growled. “Come to save your boyfriend Levi? What are you, a pair of faggots?”

Levi watched as Eren’s eyes hardened, causing his expression to turn indignant and Levi tried to tell Eren to stay quiet before he said something stupid but before Levi could get the words out Eren had grabbed Berholdt’s shirt, wrinkling the fabric as his fists clenched around it. “So what if I am? What if I am gay?”

Levi couldn’t help that the little tidbit of information became stored in his brain but he was still focused on the scene in front of him.

Bertholdt searched Eren’s eyes for any sign that he was joking and he swatted Eren’s hands away once he found no sign of a joke. “Oh, fucking gross,” he muttered. “Don’t touch me again, fag. I’ve got to get rid of this shirt once I get home, what if you have HIV from doing it with dudes?”

 _You’re a fucking idiot,_ Levi scoffed as his temper began to heat up with each stupid comment that came out of Bertholdt’s mouth. However his voice was icy and level, but there was an undeniable malice in the words as he spoke. “Maybe you should leave it for today. You don’t want to make a scene, do you? What if someone here were to call the cops?”

“Ha, and you’re going to be the one to do it, short-fry?” Bertholdt started to laugh before Annie elbowed him in the ribs and motioned towards the Raley’s employee with a phone in his hand.

“Let’s just leave it as it is today. We can always find him another day.”

The two eyed each other agitatedly before coming to an unspoken agreement and turning to walk away, Reiner trailing behind the two like a silent shadow.

Levi’s temper had flared at the short comment, for some reason that always got to him, but he let out a breath of air and he rubbed his forehead, the headache from earlier returning in full force. “I don’t know who I hate more,” he muttered. “The guys who bully or the ones who stand by and let people bully and get bullied.” Levi glanced sideways at Eren, noting that he was breathing heavily although there hadn’t been an actual fight.

“Hey, kid. Are you alright?”

Eren looked at him, confusion on his face but a rage in his eyes.

Levi motioned towards his chest. “You’re breathing pretty heavily. Are you doing okay? Do you have a medical condition or something?”

He just barely caught the horror in Eren’s eyes before Eren’s breathing slowed. He smiled a small smile and Levi almost would’ve believed it to be relatively real it if he hadn’t been here for most of the altercation. “I’m fine,” Eren murmured with an even voice. “Thanks for worrying about me though. I’ll be going, I suddenly lost my appetite.”

“Ah, wait,” Levi called out after him.

Eren turned around in surprise, waiting somewhat impatiently for him to continue.

“Come to my house for coffee then, if you’ve lost your appetite. I’ll answer some of your questions today if you do, instead of having you wait another five days. Sound good?”

Eren’s eyes narrowed and Levi raised his eyebrows, surprised. “No thank you,” Eren said calmly. “I really do have to go, so I’ll wait another five days okay?”

Levi grabbed Eren’s wrist as he turned to go for the second time and he flinched. Levi dropped the other boy’s arm as a sudden sneaking suspicion took root in his mind, connecting group therapy and that obvious flinch that had said ‘that hurts, let go.’ Eren’s face was slightly flushed, but if Levi hadn’t been looking for it he probably wouldn’t have noticed. Eren seemed to have become slightly more subdued but his eyes were as guarded as ever.

“Fine, I’ll go. But only for a cup of coffee and then I’m gone. Got it?” he demanded, voice leaving no room for argument.

Levi didn’t let any of the relief he felt show in his face and he nodded. “That’s fine, just come on; I have to buy more coffee grounds, that’s why I came to this fucking place anyways,” he muttered.

As they walked back to Levi’s house, neither of them said a word. Levi was wrestling with the decision of whether or not to address Eren’s flinch earlier in the day or leave it alone. If he left it alone, nothing would change but if he addressed it maybe… Who was he kidding? He couldn’t save a seventeen year old boy struggling with what appeared to be anger issues and self harm. What good would asking him about it do? Yet a voice in the back of his mind just wouldn’t leave him alone, urging him to somehow address the issue.

They arrived at Levi’s house and Levi fished his keys out of his pocket, unlocking the door and motioning for Eren to follow him inside.

Eren did, and Levi led the way into the kitchen, immediately setting about the business of preparing the coffee. He turned around to face the younger man and caught him staring around in muted amazement.

Levi smirked. “What’s up? You’re staring… like, I don’t know but it’s not a normal kind of stare.”

Eren’s cheeks turned a slight pink and he stopped looking around. “It’s just so clean,” he muttered, almost pouting. “Where are your parents?”

Levi blinked in surprise. He hadn’t even though about Eren dirtying the house, hadn’t thought about Eren being the first person to see inside his home other than his parents, Hanji or some sort of hired help, and he definitely refused to think about what that might mean.

“They’re not home,” he replied easily.

The coffee pot beeped, signaling that the coffee had been prepared and Levi poured a generous amount in his cup, and then turned to glance at Eren.

“How do you like your coffee?” he asked.

Eren waved away the question. “Black is fine.” For some reason the answer surprised Levi; he had imagined the White Chocolate Mocha drinker to like sweet things, but what did he know? He shrugged and poured more of the coffee into the cup before setting both drinks down on the granite tops of the island. Next, he pulled two of the barstools out and they both sat down.

They drank the first few sips of coffee in silence and then Eren slid his cup away from him and clasped his hands together as a signal that he wanted to start talking but one of his sleeves caught on the corner of the counter and pulled the sleeve up. Eren’s eyes widened in shock, embarrassment, and panic as only the very lowest of his scars were revealed/ Levi motioned for him to stop messing with his sleeves, silently thanking whoever was listening – again - that an opportunity had presented itself.

“I won’t say anything, alright?” he murmured softly.

Eren eyed him warily, expecting a lecture to turn up somewhere. Levi had already downed his first cup and he got up to refill his cup, waiting as Eren became a bit more relaxed.

Levi sat back down and looked at Eren, debating. Finally he opened his mouth, extremely aware of how the next little piece of conversation could come off. “I just want to ask for one thing. Can I see the extent of the damage?” Levi sucked in a breath as Eren began to open his mouth. “Let me finish, okay?” Eren was silent, but he nodded slowly. “It’s not because I want to hurt you or anything, I just want to make sure nothing fresh is in danger of infection. When I grabbed your arm earlier you winced, and that’s never really a good sign. Though we may be strangers, stuff like that will make a person, at the very least me, worried… ” Levi was surprised at the gentleness in his own voice, and he was reminded of those people who tried to talk a wild animal out of turning feral. “You can ask me anything you want to in return, no matter how personal. That way it won’t be like you’re the only one vulnerable.”

Eren was quiet for a long time and Levi prayed that he hadn’t just fucked things up, but finally Eren nodded reluctantly. “I suppose that won’t hurt. I was hospitalized recently for an infected wound, so I guess checking wouldn’t be a bad thing,” he mumbled.

Eren rolled up the sleeves of his sweater and even Levi, master of being expressionless, couldn’t help but stare at the intricate network of wounds sadly.

The lines, some jagged and some straight, overlapped each other in Xs, paralleled lines, perpendicular lines; his arms were covered in lines. He had read online about how people tried to console self-harm victims by telling them that their wounds were beautiful, and nothing to be ashamed of. While Levi agreed that people shouldn’t be ashamed, he couldn’t lie to himself like that. These wounds - some faded white against his tan skin, some purple in an earlier stage of healing and even some that were recent, only a scab keeping them from bleeding again, weren’t what he would ever call beautiful.

No, the scars weren’t beautiful and it hurt Levi to see them in a way that he couldn’t quite explain but he knew that these wouldn’t go away. He knew that Eren would know what he had done whether Levi lectured him or not, and he knew that a lecture definitely wouldn’t stop him from doing it again.

A sudden impulse overtook Levi and he bent quickly to kiss the most recent of wounds, his body hijacked and out of his control. When he realized what he had done, he froze, face flushing, as much as his face could flush.

Eren’s cheeks where in an even worse state, an entire shade brighter than Levi’s own and he looked up as Eren pulled his arm away from Levi’s mouth. “W-what was that?” he managed to stutter out.

“I don’t know!” Levi shouted back. “I don’t know what happened, it just did…happen…”

Levi’s voice faded out and a shocked silence filled the room.

 Eren stood abruptly, movements rigid and forced. “Thanks for talking to me, but I’ll hear the rest on Friday, okay? Sorry I only stayed to drink half a cup.”

Levi watched as Eren left the room, and then the house. Once everything was silent again, Levi laid his head down on the cool granite countertop.

The only things running through Levi’s mind were four words: _fucking fuck, you idiot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want them to be cute omg. TT_TT
> 
> Also, I have this head-canon that Levi listens to everything except country because... Well I can't imagine him at all listening to it, can you?
> 
> So guys, WHAT DID YOU THINK? About both length and the content? It was longer than the others, and I don't want to bore you guys, and I'd like to become a better writer, so please give me your honest opinions. c:
> 
> Until next chapter.~


	4. Getting to Know You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, first the music recommendations. c:
> 
> For the first half of the chapter I recommend listening to Hoobastank's "Running Away," and for the last half I think Death Cab for Cutie's "I Will Possess Your Heart," is a great fit (I imagine the song coming from Levi's point of view though). Just because. ^_^
> 
> Now, enjoy my babies finally learning things about each other, and Eren being Eren.

Eren had finished re- bandaging his wounds but even after harming himself the words and actions from Bertholdt when Eren had admitted he was in fact, gay, had stayed with him throughout the night, keeping him up late and waking him up often. Eren thought back to Levi’s head of black hair bent over his arm and didn’t know what to think about it. He didn’t like comparing the two reactions, because both had had an effect on him.

He had at least expected Bertholdt’s reaction, but he hadn’t expected Levi’s. To make it worse, Eren didn’t know if Levi was making fun of him or was being sincere; he also couldn’t decide which would be worse.

If Levi was making fun of him, Eren was sure he would be affected already. Despite the reservations Eren had about Levi’s sincerity, he wasn’t as stupid enough as to think that the action hadn’t stirred _something_ inside him. What shocked Eren almost more than the kiss on his arm was the fact that Levi had been the first person to see the scars and to not ask questions _about_ them. He had asked to see them, which was a first as well, but for some reason Eren had believed Levi when he had said he just wanted to see them.

Now… if he was being sincere, Eren didn’t know what do. How would he act when he saw Levi again? Was Levi just doing things on a whim and had the slight warmth Eren felt all been because of some fleeting emotion that was already gone? There were too many things that Eren didn’t know, too many unanswered questions, and that is what scared him as much as the previous option. Eren knew the smart thing to do would be to cut off contact with Levi, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had a nagging suspicion that if he cut Levi off from himself, he would end up regretting it.

Another question entered his mind, and he felt himself turning pale as the blood drained from his face; the question being _what if I see him at school?_ but wasn’t what had panicked him. That question had led to - _oh God, school. What if Bertholdt tells everyone I’m gay?_

Eren laughed without a trace of amusement in the sound. “Who am I kidding?” he muttered aloud. Bertholdt loves picking on the weaker and although Eren could’ve taken him on in a physical fight, wordplay and rumors were a bully’s strong points and they were the things that left lasting wounds. A split lip would heal, but insults wounded the heart, broke people’s spirits. _God knows mine has been broken for years,_ Eren thought glumly.

Eren could feel himself getting frustrated and upset again, so he walked to his closet and grabbed his gym bag sitting inside. He hadn’t gone to the gym yesterday; his head had been too full of other thoughts for the gym to really cross his mind and he knew he needed both the exercise and cathartic properties it held for him, otherwise he’d do something stupid.

He shifted through the workout clothes folded in his dresser, looking for a comfortable long-sleeved shirt and running shorts that wouldn’t make him hotter than he had to be. Once he found each of them, both in black, he started looking for an outfit that would be acceptable in public for when he was done working out. He’d probably go get a coffee or something after, or even finish the shopping he had started yesterday depending on how he felt.

Eren surveyed the room for a moment, taking note of the messy bed and a few pieces of clothing strewn about the floor. _I’ll have to clean when I get home,_ he thought absent-mindedly. Since his mother’s passing, Eren had developed a thing about keeping, at the very least, his own room clean enough that it would’ve passed her expectations, had she still been alive. He didn’t know if the habit was a result from remaining guilt or part of the trauma, but he never over-thought it and just did what he felt he had to. Eren sighed, putting his earphones in his ears and turning to walk out of the house, and then through the town towards the gym.

At six in the morning, the town was still sleeping like Eren kind of wished he was. He knew the traffic would pick up at around 9:30, all of the church-goers rushing to get to service on-time. Eren hoped he’d be out of the gym by eight so he wouldn’t be seen by a lot of people, and hopefully most people would be getting ready for church rather than mulling around town in the stores. The less people he saw, the better.

Eren fast-walked to the gym, making the forty-minute walk in thirty, using the time as a warm-up to the run he planned on starting as soon as he was changed. He knew that technically lifting weights should have come before his run, but running was his favorite thing and he hated doing it last.

Eren walked into the small gym, relieved to see that no one was using the treadmills and only three or four people were at the other equipment stations. He entered the men’s locker room, changed quickly and the walked back out and headed to the treadmills.

Eren set the treadmill to take him on a “hill” course so that the incline would challenge him and he set the time for forty-five minutes, also changing the music on his iPhone to one of his workout playlists.

Eren mentally breathed a sigh of relief as he picked up the pace of his run and his breath began to shorten. His lungs began to burn, a dull and steady burn that allowed him to feel the air making its way from his lungs to the rest of his body, also giving him energy.  His body’s reaction to the strenuous exercise was precisely the reason most people avoided running but for Eren it was his favorite part. It made him feel alive - his body still needed air, so no matter how emotionally empty he was feeling, he still knew that he was alive, that his body was working to live, even if it was just through the oxygen he needed to breathe.

Throughout the lengthy run and into weight-lifting, Eren finally felt his muscles loosen and his mind relax even though he was working himself physically. The repetitive motions used to lift the weights and work his muscles allowed him to unwind like nothing else he’d tried.

After the gym, the rest of the day was relatively uneventful, except for one incident that was worth mentioning. Eren had stopped into Café Maria, the café run by Hanji, and had had a short conversation with her.

Eren had entered the shop with only two people in front of him. When he got to the register, he ordered the usual except in a tall size rather than a grande. Hanji had given told him the price and stared at Eren while he got out his money. Eren sighed.  “What’s up, Hanji?”

Hanji jumped guiltily as Eren lifted his eyes to stare back. “What do you mean what? I didn’t say anything.” Her green eyes seemed troubled somehow and Eren almost told her that the lying look didn’t suit her, but instead he rolled his eyes.

“I could practically feel you staring more intently than usual.” Eren held out his hand, holding the money for the drink.

Hanji smiled, somewhat amused. “Well, you caught me I guess.” She sighed; taking the money Eren was offering and counting out the change. He waved away her gestures as she began handing the change back, telling her to keep it.

“I was wondering…” she continued slowly, “did you and Levi get into some sort of fight or something?”

Eren stiffened as the words reached his ears and he stared intently at Hanji. “Why do you ask?” he replied in an even voice, not giving anything he thought away.

Hanji eyed him warily, noticing that he hadn’t answered the question and putting her on guard. “Well,” she murmured, “he’s been acting moodier than I think I’ve really seen him act since yesterday. That, coupled with the fact that you’re the only person I’ve ever seen him approach and _really_ talk to, I just had a feeling that maybe you would have something to do with it, or possibly know what’s going on.”

Eren listened to her words carefully and was mildly surprised to hear Hanji say that she hadn’t seen Levi take an interest in someone before. _Am I a first for him too?_ he wondered, thinking again of how Levi was different from the people he had been around for most of his life. He mentally shook himself before returning back to the conversation at hand. “No, we didn’t fight, and I don’t know what’s going on with him,” Eren answered honestly – and it was an honest answer. _We didn’t fight,_ Eren babbled internally. _Things were just too weird for me to handle and I left things in a way that made our possible friendship seem questionable… still not a fight though. I also don’t_ know _what’s going on with him either; I mean I have a guess or two but guessing and knowing definitely isn’t the same thing._

Hanji searched Eren’s eyes for a hint of a lie, but when she found nothing, or at least not enough to comment on, she nodded curtly and handed Eren his coffee, which had been made by one of her employees actually working that day.

Eren thanked her quietly and left to finish his shopping.

He did finish all his shopping errands, and even managed to finish his homework at a reasonable time rather than staying up until midnight procrastinating or struggling with maintaining his focus.

That night, Eren went to bed for the first time in several nights without self-harming; he fell asleep with Levi on his mind.

~

Throughout Monday and Tuesday, Eren and Levi played an odd game of hide-and-seek during the school day. They would see each other, and although Levi looked like he wanted to talk, Eren would disappear somehow before Levi was able to move towards him. But on Wednesday, when Eren was running around the school grounds during his last, and also his free period of the day, he was pulled inside an empty classroom.

“What the fuck?” Eren gasped in surprise. His heart was hammering in his chest and he turned around to face the person or people who had pulled him. He met an ever-growing-familiar pair of steely gray eyes and Eren breathed in relief. “Jesus Christ.”

Levi smirked. “Close, but not quite; I’m Levi, remember?”

It took a moment before Eren realized that Levi was _trying_ to make a joke. If Eren hadn’t been so scared he might have even laughed, but as it was he had thought he was going to get beaten up by the trio at the grocery store and was too relieved to do much but stare quietly as Levi waited for a reaction.

“Oh come on,” Levi muttered. “I’m funny.”

Eren shook his head in a negative and Levi raised an eyebrow before shaking his head and seeming to refocus. “Whatever, I didn’t pull you in here to discuss my awesome sense of humor anyways.”

Eren looked around, staring and the relatively bare room. There were desks arranged neatly in three rows across the room and two longer tables on the side. The only hint of personalization came from the desk where a wood frame held a picture of a family of four. “Where is ‘here,’ exactly?” Eren asked.

Levi shrugged. “I’m a teacher’s assistant for one of the few teachers who actually like me. He has prep this period though, so he usually just goes home and I do pretty much whatever I want.”

Eren nodded, understanding. Then he realized who he was with and it caused his cheeks to flush a faint shade of red. “So what _did_ you want to talk to me about?” he asked gruffly.

Levi just stared at Eren and he felt his cheeks grow even warmer. _Just tell me what you want already!_

Finally, Levi sighed and motioned for Eren to sit in one of the two chairs exclusively used by the teacher and his or her assistant. “Will you stay and talk for a little bit? Even if just until the end of school; I’m tired of you avoiding me and all I want to do is talk. “

Eren glanced at Levi, and examined him closely, noticing for the first time that he had circles under his eyes and he was rubbing his head now like he was fighting off a migraine.

Eren nodded mutely and took the seat beside the desk while Levi took the one that the teacher should have used. Eren glanced at Levi once more, admittedly worried about the forehead rubbing. “Do you need ibuprofen or anything?” he asked quietly. Levi shook his head wearily and Eren nodded.

He waited for Levi to speak and the silence settled over them like a blanket. Heavy and, with Eren’s still slightly flushed cheeks, suffocating.

Finally Levi spoke and although his voice wasn’t soft, it was quiet and sincere. “I’m sorry, Eren.”

Eren blinked in surprise. Shouldn’t he have been the one to apologize? He had left Levi’s house so abruptly after all, even after promising to at least finish the one cup of coffee. He was about to say as much when Levi beat him to it and continued talking from where he’d left off.

“What I did was… I don’t even know. It was definitely weird, for one. We’ve only known each other for a week today, right? So then it had been… Three days? Definitely weird, and on top of that, I had promised that I’d only wanted to see them and then…” Eren’s eyes widened as a slight pink tinged Levi’s cheeks while he paused in his apology. If Eren hadn’t been staring directly at Levi, he might have even missed the slight coloring. Even so, Eren was extremely pleased that he wasn’t the only one flustered by what had happened on Saturday. It must have shown in his expression because Levi glared daggers before turning away.

“Anyways, I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “It was weird and it probably freaked you out. I promise though, I wasn’t making fun of you or anything. I just… It was an impulse.” His voice lowered as he continued, almost as if he was talking to himself, “Normally I’m better with controlling my impulses.”

Eren tried to hold it in, but ended up laughed out loud; he couldn’t help it. Levi whipped his head around at the sound, eyes wide with a feeling Eren didn’t quite recognize before they narrowed dangerously. “What’s so funny?” he asked icily, but Eren thought he could detect the barest upward tilt of his lips.

Eren was still smiling softly as he answered. “Nothing, it’s just… I know you shouldn’t believe rumors; I know it probably more than anyone really, but I still wasn’t prepared to see you so… expressive, I guess, with your feelings.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “So you _have_ known who I was this whole time?”

Eren shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, how could I not? Besides, you knew of me, too.”

“But I told you that I knew about you; I thought you had no idea who I was. It surprised me. It’s a little bit more surprising that you do know and you still talk to me though,” he admitted thoughtfully.

Eren felt his expression settle into something serious and Levi stopped talking, instead paying close attention to Eren. “I’m not going to act a certain way towards you because I hear rumors. Things might take me off guard like just a few moments ago, but I won’t be prejudiced against someone I don’t know personally. I know how it feels to be on the wrong side of the judgment spectrum, and you obviously know as well. Don’t be surprised because not everyone is the type of people we’re surrounded by.”

Levi stared, eyes full of something that Eren might say was surprise. “I’m impressed, Eren Jaeger,” Levi admitted. His voice lowered in volume, “You intrigue me.”

For some reason, the use of his full name, the volume and the tone of Levi’s voice combined in a weird way that made Eren blush and he looked away, embarrassed. “Whatever,” he grumbled. After waiting for the color in his cheeks to fade and he had composed himself, he turned back to face Levi, getting back to the original reason they were even here.

 “Going back to your apology though, I guess I forgive you.” Eren didn’t explain why he had decided that to Levi, but it wasn’t because he didn’t know the reason; he just didn’t want Levi to know that he, too, was interested in the other. Eren wondered how Levi could say the things he did so easily and honestly – he himself had no problem talking to people like… well mainly just Armin. However, talking with anyone else was a different story and much more difficult. Not only that, but he had meant it when he said that Levi was the first person to not freak out about his wounds and scars, and that had earned Levi a special place in Eren’s thoughts, and quite possibly his heart. _My heart?_ Eren thought incredulously. _What the hell am I going on about? He even pointed out we just met a week ago. I’m crazy._ Eren chuckled quietly to himself. The statement was a little bit literal if you considered the medication he was taking, the things he did to himself and the fact that he was seeing a psychologist. He sighed, putting those thoughts out of his mind for now, but jumped as he realized Levi was leaning in close to him and staring at his face, more specifically his eyes.

“W-what?” Eren stuttered.

“You’re really expressive. You went through several emotions or something just then, didn’t you? Your eyes give you away,” he murmured softly.

Eren nodded slowly and leaned back a bit. Levi smirked and followed suit, leaning back in the cushioned chair he was sitting in. “So, do you think you’ll come to the coffee shop on Friday? My offer is still good for you to ask any questions you want, and I really do enjoy Hanji’s coffee.”

Eren mulled it over for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, I suppose I’ll be there.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Oh, you suppose so?”

Eren shrugged.

Levi opened his mouth to say something but just as he did, the school bell rang, hurting Eren’s ears after the relative quiet of their conversation. Eren had stayed seated in his chair and was waiting patiently for Levi to continue with whatever he was going to say.

Levi jerked his head towards the door, as if telling Eren to get out of there. “What, nowhere to be today? I said you could leave once the bell rang, right?”

Eren didn’t say anything in reply; he just glanced at Levi before nodding and standing up to head towards the door.

Levi watched him go, amusement and curiosity glinting in those normally cold gray eyes.

~

The rest of Eren’s week had gone relatively well and Friday had come quickly. He was somewhat uneasy; the bullying at school had been at a minimum, and although that was a good thing, stuff that went well for Eren had a bad habit of falling apart, especially when it came to things like bullying. However, that didn’t suppress his desire to get to know Levi better and here he was, sitting in Café Maria, waiting nervously for Levi to show up.

He’d only been there for about ten minutes when Levi walked in. He looked nice in dark jeans and a tight-fitting gray long-sleeved shirt. His black hair looked damp but neat, and Eren wondered if he’d just taken a shower.

Hanji called out a hello to Levi and he motioned to himself and towards where Eren was sitting, and Hanji grinned, holding up coffee cups in a grande size. Levi nodded and while she began preparing coffee, he made his way back to where Eren was sitting in the corner they had sat at last week.

This Friday the shop was busier than it had been a week ago and it was a little noisier since most people were sitting in groups and having conversations. Eren was grateful that it seemed most kids at his school preferred to go to the local pizza place on Friday nights rather than the café and he was also grateful that he and Levi weren’t likely to be heard tonight. No one group was so loud that you could understand what they were saying, but the noise would cover their own conversation, which was good; he had a feeling that they would be delving into personal things tonight.

Levi sat down in the chair opposite of Eren silently and scooted the seat in, allowing them at least the illusion of a little privacy.

Eren wasn’t sure why, but he was feeling a little… shy around Levi. Levi didn’t smile, but Eren somehow got the impression that Levi was glad he had really showed up.

“Yooo,” Levi greeted, dragging out the ‘o’ sound a little awkwardly.

Eren smiled and spoke loudly enough to be heard, but still softly, “Hey.”

They sat in silence for a few moments; neither of them really knowing how to start the conversation they both wanted to have.

Eren sighed, deciding to just go for it. “Well, I guess I’ll ask a question first. How about we do it like I ask a question, then you get to ask a question. That seems fair, yeah?”

Levi stared. “You don’t have to answer anything; I promised this would be a time for you to find out about me, remember?”

Eren scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I can’t be the only one finding out personal information – it doesn’t seem fair. So let’s just do it the way I said.”

Levi sighed. “You’re stubborn and a little bit pushy, you know that?”

Eren grinned sheepishly. “So I’ve been told.” Well, by Armin, but he didn’t say that out loud.

Hanji called out Levi’s name and Levi glanced behind him, annoyance showing on the sharp features of his face. “I’ll be right back,” he said, almost apologetically. As he walked away he muttered something about a “shitty four-eyes” under his breath and Eren chuckled.

Eren noticed that his heart was beating a little more rapidly than he was used to and he covered where his heart would be in an attempt to slow its beating. He wasn’t sure why he kept reacting to Levi the way he did, but it made him uncomfortable and excited at the same time. He wasn’t used to it, and he wondered if it was because exactly that; he wasn’t used to talking to people if they weren’t Armin. He made a note to talk ask Armin about it when he came over tomorrow and then Levi was back with two coffees and Eren lowered his hand from his chest.

Levi gave him a strange look, holding out one of the cups. “Do you have heartburn or something, kid?”

Eren glared. “No, just my heart acting up. And don’t call me kid, I’m only a grade below you,” he muttered, reaching for the coffee.

Levi sat back down and took a sip of the drink right away, ‘mmm’-ing appreciatively, and Eren wondered how he could drink it and not burn his tongue.

Eren sighed, and thought about a question he could ask that wasn’t too personal, but rather would lead the questions in that direction. He settled on the one he figured was least intrusive: “So, where were your parents the other day when I came over?”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “The other day? That was a week ago. Not only that, but that’s the question you choose to start with?”

Eren shrugged. “Just answer it already,” he said, attempting to make his voice sound less demanding than the statement probably made it seem.

Levi made a sound that might have been a chuckle, but the volume of the action was too low and the café around them too loud for Eren to really hear.

“Well, my parents are both top scientists and they have to travel abroad a lot in order to conduct research for their studies. They haven’t spent a significant amount of time at home in years. Hanji, although she runs a café, is very interested in science and she became good friends with my parents. She’s sort of watched me while they’ve been away.”

“Don’t you get lonely?” Eren asked softly, afraid he might be stepping on a landmine of sorts.

Levi shook his head slightly. “Nope, it’s my turn to ask a question.”

Eren’s lips turned downward in a pout and Levi smirked. “Don’t make a face like that – these were your rules, remember? Even though I refused…” His voice trailed off, implying something similar to _I told you so._

The teasing tone in Levi’s voice caused Eren to glare at him gloomily. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. Just ask your question already.”

Levi was silent for a moment before asking, “What about your parents? What are they up to…?” His voice trailed off as he saw the look on Eren’s face. Eren’s turquoise eyes had turned a darker shade of blue, reminding Levi of the sea during a storm. They were also full of sadness and anger, causing Levi back-track hastily. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

Eren smiled at Levi’s attempt to take it back, but the action was sad more than anything else. “No, it’s okay. That was the point of tonight.” He let out a sigh and tried to not _think_ while he answered, aiming to capture just the gist of his situation.

“My mom was in an accident when I was nine, so she’s… she’s gone now. My dad started drinking soon after her death, and the day my older sister turned eighteen he took off and neither of us have seen him since. He sends us money every month for rent and whatnot, at least so far, but my sister has to work in order to buy things that aren’t necessities, like my school supplies and clothes for us. Things like that.”

Levi listened quietly, and remained quiet as Eren finished speaking. He wanted to apologize, both for asking the question as well as for the circumstances Eren was in, but he knew that pity never did a person good. Instead, Levi waited for Eren to gather himself and ask him question.

Eren was once again taken aback by Levi’s reaction, or lack thereof. It also surprised him that those reactions had managed to make him feel more at ease rather than anxious; perhaps not immediately in the first case, but he was certainly more at ease now. Eren smiled a small smile at the thoughts and attempted to come up with another question. “Well, I guess you know why I’m in therapy, so can I ask why you’re there?”

Levi glanced at Eren when he heard the uncertainty in the younger teen’s voice. “You can ask whatever you want,” he murmured softly. He paused and thought about how to word his answer so that Eren would understand what he meant. “I have an issue with germs, I suppose. It’s weird though, I’m only bothered by germs that humans leave. I can go out into nature and I’m relatively fine, as long as I’m not covered by dirt or anything, but most public places... With the exception of this café,” Levi motioned to their surroundings, “because I know how clean Hanji keeps it. School is kind of like my own personal hell.”

Eren grumbled under his breath, “Yeah, mine too.”

Levi looked at Eren again, noting how his eyes were downcast and brows knitted as if he were troubled. “Anyways,” Levi continued slowly, “that issue has really impacted my life, so much so that it’s difficult for me to function how someone ‘should’ be able to function in public. That’s why I’m in therapy. My parents want me to try to get past my aversion to germs.”

Eren nodded, seeming to understand. “That must be hard, though…”

Levi didn’t react to the statement, other than a small shrug. “Why do you dislike school?” he asked Eren.

Eren glanced across the table, meeting Levi’s eyes. “You saw what happened last Saturday. Those type of incidents aren’t limited to places out of school. In fact, it’s worse in school than anywhere else because I don’t go out much and teachers tend to turn a blind eye towards those kinds of things. When I do go out, it’s mainly to the gym or because I absolutely _have_ to go to the stores for food or other necessities.”

Levi closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall behind him as he took a sip of his coffee. His eyes remained closed as he replied, “Well that’s understandable. People in this town are hard to deal with.” He opened his eyes halfway, looking at Eren through the heavy lids. “I can understand the bullying as well. Ever since I was in kindergarten, people have known about my aversion to germs and have used it as an opportunity to make fun of me or make me extremely uncomfortable.”

Eren tilted his head to the side, eyes focused on Levi’s expression, or lack of. “You seem to handle it well… I’ve never heard about you getting into fights over it. Then again, I know that things aren’t always what they seem… I’m especially sensitive when it comes to things they say about my parents and I usually get into fights, and therefore into trouble for it.”

Levi shook his head tiredly. “No, it hurts. Bullying, no matter what people say, always has some type of an effect on the people being bullied. I just don’t show that it affects me, hence the reason people talk about me being cold and unfeeling – neither are true at all, but the people that bully me aren’t worthy of seeing me show emotion, so I just don’t. That’s how I see it, anyway.”

Eren was staring at Levi and Levi’s cheeks warmed slightly at the intense attention. “What is it?” he asked, glancing down to see if he had spilt something on his clothes.

“Nothing, it’s just that your philosophy is just kind of amazing to me,” he murmured.

Levi gave Eren a full-on smile and Eren sucked in a breath. Levi was already extremely attractive with a stoic expression but the full, and slightly crooked, smile tugged at something in Eren’s chest. _Shit,_ he thought. _If this feeling is what I think it is… I might be in trouble._

Eren didn’t let his thoughts or emotions color his voice as he continued with the conversation, coughing quietly before speaking. “I’m not sure I could keep my emotions in check like that, I’m an impulsive person so I react without thinking. I usually regret it later, but that has yet to prevent me from doing the exact same thing over and over again.” He rubbed the back of his neck with the hand that wasn’t holding his coffee as he laughed at himself.

“That isn’t always a bad thing,” Levi murmured. “I wish I could just react sometimes, especially when I’m particularly angry. Maybe it would stop them from bullying me more or something, but it is what it is. Both of our methods of reacting have their problems.”

“Mine more than yours,” Eren pointed out.

“Probably,” Levi agreed, “but that isn’t really the issue… We shouldn’t be bullied in the first place.”

Eren nodded in agreement, but stayed silent.

Levi lifted the coffee to his lips once more at the same time as Eren did and they sipped their drinks silently for several minutes.

Eren finished his coffee and pulled out his phone to check the time. He glanced up at Levi. “It’s almost nine, and I don’t want to be home too late. Although Mikasa isn’t exactly around a lot, she’ll probably still yell at me if I get home too late. Oh, and Mikasa is my sister’s name.”

Levi nodded in understanding and stood up as Eren did.

“That name seems familiar…” Levi murmured thoughtfully. Then he shook his head and looked at Eren. “I can at least walk you home; I don’t have anywhere to be.”

Eren’s heartbeat picked up again and he nodded. “I don’t really mind. It’s about a twenty minute walk though, if you don’t care about that.”

Levi shrugged. “That’s fine.”

They walked to the door, throwing their trash away as they went and Hanji called out a farewell which Eren returned relatively cheerfully and which Levi blatantly ignored. Eren shook his head as they began to walk. “You should be nicer to Hanji. She cares about you.”

Levi glanced at Eren, not disagreeing, but he asked, “How do you know?”

Eren looked back at Levi out of the corner of his eye. “When we were kind of… I don’t know. Fighting? Not that, but you understand what I’m talking about – she asked me about it because she said you were acting moodier than usual. It was obviously bothering her.”

Eren turned to face Levi and chuckled at the look of muted horror on Levi’s face.

“That shitty four-eyes,” he muttered to himself. “I can’t believe her; she needs to mind her own business.”

Eren glanced away guiltily. He hadn’t meant to get Hanji in trouble, and he tried to tone down Levi’s reaction. “Don’t be too hard on her, okay? I don’t blame her for being worried; it’s natural to worry about someone you care about, isn’t it?”

Levi grunted in neither agreement nor disagreement. “Maybe so, but she should have asked me about it, not you.”

Eren shrugged. “It’s no big deal. It just caught me off-guard.”

Levi didn’t reply and the conversation tapered off. The remainder of the walk took place in a comfortable silence and Eren thought idly about how nice it was to have company, even if they weren’t talking.

Once they approached Eren’s house, Eren stopped and turned to Levi.

“Thanks for walking me, I guess, but it’s just right there,” he motioned toward a medium-sized house that looked pretty normal to Levi. Eren turned to walk into the house but Levi grabbed his arm quickly and he turned back to face Levi, curiosity and shock lighting up his blue-green eyes; curiosity at the reason he was stopped and shock at the fact that Levi had touched him at all.

Levi dropped his hand quickly once Eren turned back, and looked at Eren. “We have group this Wednesday, so I was just wondering… Do you want to go together?”

Eren raised an eyebrow.

At the look, Levi hurried to explain, “It doesn’t have to be an every-time thing, but I don’t know.” He paused before shaking his head. “Never mind, you can just for-“

“Sure,” Eren interrupted him.

Levi stared, surprised. “Hah?”

Eren laughed. “I said, ‘sure.’ As in, ‘sure, I’ll go with you to therapy.’” He didn’t think about how weird the statement was, or about the statement in general, because if he did he was pretty sure he would start blushing.

“Oh,” Levi breathed, surprised. “Okay then. I can pick you up 5:45, here… but can I get your number just in case something happens?”

Eren blushed and nodded, letting a sequence of numbers leave his mouth. Levi put them in his phone quickly and sighed. Eren thought he detected a hint of relief in the sigh but chose not to comment on it.

“I’ll see you at school, I suppose,” he murmured. He turned on his heels to walk up to his front door but Eren turned back and saw that Levi was still standing on the street, looking at him. He gave a small wave, which Levi returned, before unlocking the door to his house and shutting it behind him.

Eren leaned against the back of the door, sliding down to the floor while hugging his legs to his chest.

Eren could feel the hammering in his heart against his legs and it pretty much solidified his earlier suspicion.

He groaned out loud, putting his head in his hands. _I think I fucking_ like _Levi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things should be picking up, in the EreRi department, by the next chapter or two, so I hope you guys have enjoyed it so far.
> 
> Updates will probably be slowing down for a while, due to me getting bad grades in calculus. -_- However, please tell me what you thought about this chapter, and if you found any mistakes - possibly your predictions or stuff you'd like to see? I like getting comments or messages from people on tumblr about my writing, so please don't be scared to talk to me or anything! c:
> 
> Thank you for reading!♥


	5. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, the music recommendations:  
> I couldn't decide between three songs, so you get them all. I feel like any of them will fit the fic, at least the last half.  
> "Laura Palmer" by Bastille (my personal favorite), "I'd Be Lying" by Greg Laswell, and "What I Wouldn't Do" by Serena Ryder.
> 
> I won't bug you anymore, so go on and read my lovely people!

_Levi sat across from him in the tiny café, in the spot that Eren had come to think of as ‘their’ spot. He was looking at Eren intensely, gray eyes only focused on him. The scrutiny made Eren both uncomfortable and excited, and he felt his cheeks coloring._

_Levi chuckled, reaching across the table to grab hold of Eren’s hand and play idly with his long, thin fingers as he murmured quietly, “You’re cute when you blush; did you know?”_

_Eren felt his breath hitch in his throat and he couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Levi’s lips._

_Levi’s keen eyes caught the slight motion and he began to move in closer to Eren, gray eyes shining with something that looked like --_

Eren was shocked out of his sleep by the sound of pounding on his door and he sat up quickly, the sudden movement causing him to get dizzy. His breath was coming out unevenly and his heart was pounding erratically in his chest. Eren shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the vestiges of the dream but he held his head in his hand after as he realized that had been a bad idea.

He waited until the room stopped spinning and the rest of his body had calmed down before he got up, sliding his feet across the floor groggily. For a moment he ignored the banging sounding throughout the house as he peeked into Mikasa’s room quietly. He sighed in annoyance as he saw that the room was, as usual, empty but neat. He sighed before shutting the door and moving to answer the other one to stop the incessant pounding that was not helping his still-sensitive head any. He opened the door, squinting in the morning sunlight. The brightness was only intensified by Armin’s head of blond hair and Eren even went so far as to shade his eyes. Armin’s fist was half-raised, ready to start a new wave of pounding.

Eren scratched the back of his head lazily, voice cracking slightly as he asked, “Armin? You’re here already? What time is it?”

Armin rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh, irritation radiating from his small frame. “Eren, it’s already ten-thirty. I’m actually _late._ I was supposed to come over at ten, remember?”

Eren smiled sheepishly as he stepped to the side so that Armin could come in. “I must have forgotten to set the alarm last night, sorry. I just woke up.” He shut the door as soon as Armin was inside and turned, making his way into the kitchen.

Armin let a little bit of attitude slip into his voice as he muttered, “Obviously.”

Eren ignored the muted sarcasm and kept moving as Armin followed behind him as he began looking through the cabinets for the stuff needed to make a pot of coffee.

After finding the coffee grounds he held up the canister towards Armin’s general direction without looking. “Do you want some coffee? I’ll probably make enough for both of us anyways, but I need to know if you need a cup. I didn’t get a chance to do the dishes yesterday and it looks like Mikasa was here at some point this morning so I’ll need to wash you a cup.”

Armin hummed, thinking about it. “Actually, I think I’ll be okay. I’ve been trying to cut back on my caffeine intake. I’ll take some water though.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “I didn’t ask if you wanted water,” he said, a teasing lilt in his voice. His smile and movements to get Armin water reinforced the fact that he was just messing around and Armin stuck his tongue out playfully, with a smile soon following the action.

Armin hopped up onto the counter as Eren brought him a bottle of water and they sat in a comfortable silence as Eren disappeared for a moment to return with a bottle of medication. Neither of them said anything about it, mostly pretending Eren hadn’t even gone to get it. He got upset talking about it and Armin preferred to keep Eren relatively happy, especially when he seemed to be in a good mood, like he was today.

As soon as there was enough coffee for at least a cup, Eren grabbed the handle to the pot and slid it out, immediately placing a napkin under the drip to catch any idle drops of coffee. He poured himself a generous amount before slipping the pot back into place and tapping his foot quietly, debating on whether or not he should add creamer.

He was craving the flavor, but he wanted the caffeine to hit him quickly, and for some reason he always felt that sweetness dampened the hit of energy delivered to his system. Armin watched him quietly, trying not to giggle at the look of intense concentration on Eren’s face. He finally relented to his cravings and sighed, opening the fridge to pull out the vanilla creamer.

As he shook the creamer and prepared his coffee, Eren glanced behind him to meet Armin’s eyes as he began talking, actually feeling up to starting a conversation today. “So, how are things with that Jean kid?”

Armin’s eyes widened in surprise, caught off guard by the fact Eren was actually starting the conversation. It was very unlike him and Armin wondered what had put him in a better mood. However, he returned his focus to answering Eren’s question and once the question actually seemed to settle in his mind, his cheeks warmed.

“I’m a big coward about it, Eren. I haven’t been able to ‘fake’ flirting with him… but, and I could be wrong, it almost seems like _he’s_ the one trying to flirt with me.” Armin let out a breath of frustration. “I just don’t want to over-analyze everything he does and make it something bigger than it is, you know? I’ll only embarrass myself and Jean as well.”

Armin’s eyes were filled with worry and Eren cut him a sympathetic glance as he took a tentative sip of his coffee, suppressing an appreciative hum as the bitter, yet sweet liquid hit his tongue. Just the taste seemed to energize him and he attempted to try to console Armin.

“It’s hard to deal with that kind of situation,” Eren admitted slowly; though he had no experience himself, he could somewhat imagine how Armin felt, feeling that he himself would be put in a similarly tense situation. Parts of last night’s dream entered his mind and he forced himself to pay attention to what Armin was saying.

Armin pouted, frustration coloring his voice. “Yeah, obviously; that isn’t gonna help me deal with it though.” He swung his legs, lightly tapping the cupboards underneath the counter with his feet, his restlessness showing his agitation since he was normally one of the calmest people Eren knew. “What do I _do_ with this possible information?”

Eren brought his coffee to the same counter Armin was sitting at, leaning his elbows on the countertop with his hands cupping the coffee. He turned his head to look at Armin, expression thoughtful. He was a little floored that Armin trusted his opinions so much when he was practically a shut-in, but he wasn’t about to point that out. Even though Armin could irritate him when he was in one of his moods, he valued their friendship and Armin’s trust he put in Eren.

“I don’t think there’s much you can do, honestly.” Eren frowned, wishing he had more helpful advice. “Until you know if he’s serious…” he let his voice trail off, leaving the end of the statement open, both of them understanding that Armin couldn’t do much. It was a hard situation, and if Armin where to begin flirting back, even in the joking context, it could backfire on him by causing Jean to get suspicious and distance himself. Eren was pretty sure Armin preferred friendship to nothing and if he had voiced the thought Armin would’ve agreed immediately.

Armin sighed, leaning his head back and closed his eyes. He tried to take his mind off of his own predicament and asked the first thing that came to mind. “So, what’s been going on with you lately?”

Eren met Armin’s eyes, turquoise against sky blue, before he swallowed another sip of coffee and replied. “What do you mean?”

Armin opened his eyes again, the bright blue orbs landing on Eren as the smile that spread on his lips was reflected in those eyes. “I don’t know; you just seem like you’re in a good mood or something. It’s… kind of rare, you know. So I was wondering if something had happened to make you happy.”

Eren blinked in surprise, both at Armin’s straight forwardness and the fact that he had thought he was in a good mood. Was he in a good mood? Eren wasn’t even sure of his own emotions, and having Armin point it out allowed him to take a step back and analyze his mood. Since his revelation about Levi had come last night, he had felt more anxious than anything and hadn’t looked for any other emotion, focusing mainly on that because it was something familiar to him.

He wasn’t sure how to act around Levi now that he had realized his romantic feelings for the other teen and it worried him. Things got awkward enough between them as it was because Eren rarely interacted with other people. However, he figured he would take his own advice, do what he had told Armin to do and start with flirting that was just ‘joking,’ and hope for the best.

If he thought praying would help, he might have done that, but since his mother’s death Eren and God had had a rocky relationship and Eren didn’t trust in Him to do much. Eren brought his attention back to the conversation attention and tried to think of a way to answer Armin.

Even with the anxiety, Eren could recognize that he did seem to be in better spirits, especially for him. Armin was looking at him questioningly and Eren was stuck, debating on whether or not he should say anything about liking Levi. After several tense moments, at least on his end, Eren decided to return the trust Armin had shown in him only a week ago.

 _A week,_ Eren thought, slightly exasperated. _After knowing Levi for less than half a month, and talking to him even less than_ that _, I like him. What am I getting myself into?_

Eren sighed, turning around so that his back was to the counter, and therefore to Armin. He didn’t want the other boy seeing the blush on his cheeks as he admitted what had put him into a good mood.

“I think I like someone,” he began cautiously, afraid of admitting it out-loud – almost as if that would make the emotion final.

Before Eren was able to continue though, he was stopped by Armin’s gasp behind him. Eren didn’t look back, the warmth on his cheeks preventing him from facing Armin directly but he tensed a little.

“What was that for?” he asked warily.

Armin noticed his reaction, the stiffness in his body and held back from an immediate reply. He had a feeling Eren was about to admit to liking Levi; it didn’t make sense for Eren to like anyone else when the only person he had been interacting with, other than himself, was Levi as far as he knew. Although it seemed to be having a good effect on Eren at the moment, Armin couldn’t completely ignore the image he had gotten of Levi from the rumors, out of his head. He didn’t want Eren getting hurt if Levi really _was_ a cold person and would just end up avoiding Eren’s feelings. However, he also recognized that it was highly likely that this had been a hard decision for Eren to make, to be able to let him in, and he refrained from letting any of his real thoughts slip out of his mouth, deciding to go with something that wouldn’t truly interrupt the flow of conversation.

“It’s nothing, sorry. I thought I saw a spider,” he lied easily.

Eren shrugged, believing Armin since he had an irrationally high fear of the creepy arachnids, and asked, “Can I continue then?”

Armin nodded before remembering Eren wasn’t looking at him and he said aloud, “Yeah, please.”

Eren tried to gather his thoughts again and he started over. “Like I was saying, I think I like someone…” He paused again, gathering the small amount of courage it took to say the words out loud. “It’s Levi.” Armin nodded again, but this time to himself rather than Eren, thinking, _I was right._

“I’ve barely known him for a week and a half, talked to him much less than that. Why do I like him already? This is the first time I’ve ever really liked someone, but I thought it was supposed to be a slow process, not something that just snuck up on you,” he murmured, voice frustrated as he let out his disbelief from earlier. Here, he turned to face Armin once more, his frustration overriding the desire to hide his reddening cheeks. “I don’t understand how it happened.”

Armin was saddened by the serious confusion in Eren’s eyes; having not liked someone before, everything Eren was experiencing was new, and new could be frightening, especially if part of your emotional well-being started depending on another’s actions. That, coupled with Eren’s already fragile emotional state caused Armin to worry over him even more.

Armin patted Eren’s shoulder in understanding and decided to just give a slight voice to his worries. “Well, I don’t necessary think you liking him is a bad thing, because you’re obviously in a better mood than you have been, but be careful, okay? I know you said he isn’t as cold as everyone makes him out to be, but that won’t stop me from worrying about you and your well-being.”

Armin’s words combined with the genuine worry in his eyes caused Eren’s blush to deepen and he turned away, grabbing his coffee and heading towards the living room. “Stop saying such embarrassing things, Armin. You’re acting like a parent or something.”

Armin noticed that Eren avoided the use of the word mom but he didn’t mention it as he laughed and hopped down from the counter, following Eren into the living room. Eren turned on the PlayStation and grabbed two controllers, motioning with one of them in Armin’s direction. “Feel up to playing some Battle Field?”

Armin scoffed and spoke with fake confidence. “Fine, just prepare to be beaten.”

Eren chuckled at the mock bravado and shook his head, giving Armin a knowing look. “We both know I’ll kick your ass if we’re on different teams, but let’s work together today, yeah?”

 _He must be in a_ really _good mood, if he wants to work together for once,_ Armin thought. Out loud, he agreed and they spent the rest of the morning, and a good chunk of the afternoon, playing various games before Armin had to return home.

Once Armin went home, Eren spent the rest of the day cleaning the house, doing the dishes and his laundry; generally getting the things that needed to be done before he slipped into a stage of procrastination and saved everything for tomorrow, which he would regret.

Eren didn’t see Levi for the rest of the weekend, even when he went out for groceries at the same time he had gone last week, but at school on Monday they said hello when they saw each other.

Later, during Eren’s free period, Levi had ended up texting Eren to tell the teen to keep him company during his TA period and Eren had gone.

At first things had been awkward and forced, at least on Eren’s part and he had thought he was making it extremely obvious. However, by the time half of the period had gone by, Eren was feeling much more comfortable and had even begun to make small flirtatious jokes like he had planned.

The first time he had made such a joke, it had really been nothing more than a sexual innuendo but at the look he had gotten from Levi, he had almost been discouraged from trying to implement his plan again. However, he mentally cemented his resolve and continued to drop flirtatious remarks every once in a while, although sparingly. He continued doing that when the pair hung out again during Tuesday and Wednesday’s free periods. Eren had a feeling that them being together could possibly become an everyday thing.

Eren wasn’t afraid to admit he was lonely, and he was betting that Levi was too. The fact that both of them only had each other as possible people to hang out with is probably what brought them together but Eren tried not to think too much about it. He was happier being with Levi than he was being alone, and although that was a scary thought, if he didn’t focus on it he was fine.

Each time Eren had made a flirtatious joke, Levi hadn’t reacted much, except for about the third or fourth when he had growled at Eren to “stop fucking around.” Eren hadn’t listened, of course.

Wednesday came relatively quickly and at the end of the school day Levi stopped Eren before he left to go home. “Don’t forget, I’m picking you up at 5:45.” Eren could feel the warmth of Levi’s hand through his long-sleeved shirt and his heartbeat picked up a bit.

“Like I could forget,” Eren muttered, embarrassed by his reaction and hoping that Levi wouldn’t hear, what seemed to him, the loud beating of his heart.

Levi leaned in close with his hand still on Eren’s arm, causing Eren to back up and hit the wall behind him to prevent Levi from getting too close. “I didn’t hear you,” Levi murmured. “What did you say?” His gray eyes were piercing and they reminded him of the eyes he had seen in his dream over the weekend.

 _Fucking hell, what a horrible time to remember something like that,_ he groaned internally.

Eren’s eyes widened as he tried to keep the blush threatening to overcome his cheeks at bay, and he laughed nervously. “Nothing, nothing; I’ll be ready when you come, okay? I promise.”

Levi stared for a few beats, eyes flashing with something like amusement before he nodded and backed away a few steps. Eren took that chance to call out a hurried “See you later,” get past Levi and get out the door.

Once Eren was a safe distance away, he covered his face, heart beating so fast it felt like it might jump out of his throat. “Jesus Christ.” Levi had been much to close for Eren to get comfortable and Levi’s good looks had been much more obvious when he had been forced to look at Levi right in front of him making it harder for Eren to be that close to him.

Eren was just happy to be out of the situation for now and he walking home, skipping the gym in favor of getting home quickly to finish his homework and get ready for Levi to pick him up.

When he walked through the door at about 3:40, he felt his good mood plummet a little. He could tell by the keys that weren’t his and black wallet on the table that Mikasa was home.

“Hello?” her voice floated through the house, surprised, as she rounded the corner and their eyes met. Eren’s eyes flashed and he felt his muscles tense. Mikasa mirrored his own reactions, freezing up.

Eren wasn’t sure who else she could’ve expected, but he felt some of his resentment at her for being gone so long rise up and it clearly showed in his voice and facial expression. “So, you’re actually home for once? Do you plan on staying long?” he sneered. He knew it wasn’t fair to be treating her that way, but he couldn’t stop himself. His blood was boiling and he didn’t even try to cool it down.

Mikasa glared, her already dark blue eyes becoming even darker. “Don’t give me that shit when I just got here. I thought you would be at the gym anyways, why are you home early? Did something happen?”

Eren rolled his eyes, ignoring her question at the end for the time being. “Oh, so you only come home when you figure I won’t be around? Unbelievable.” Eren shook his head, annoyed. If he hadn’t been angry before he would’ve been angry by now anyways. “Well since it seems you’ve forgotten, I have that group therapy to go to so I decided to skip the gym today.”

Mikasa blinked, surprise crossing her face for a moment before it settled back into a relatively emotionless mask. “Oh, that. I can’t believe I actually forgot. Do you need a ride?”

Eren brushed past her quickly, heading to his room; he didn’t want to deal with Mikasa anymore, mainly because he knew the longer they dragged out their interaction the more frustrated he would become. “Don’t bother, I found another person to give me a ride, so you don’t have to worry about messing up any plans you may have tonight.”

Mikasa followed him with her eyes but turned to follow him with her feet as well. She was stopped when Eren slammed his door shut in her face and locked it.

“Hey, I’m trying to ask you who is picking you up!” Mikasa’s muffled yell came through the door, irritation finally showing in her voice. “And stop slamming the door in my face, shit like this always happens, and you wonder why I don’t come home.”

Eren stayed silent for several moments, shocked that Mikasa had outright blamed _him_ for her being gone. He cleared his throat, making sure his voice wouldn’t crack. “It doesn’t matter, just get out of here,” he answered angrily; she had no right to nose her way into his life when she had never seemed to care before; she obviously didn’t care enough to come home regularly and even say hello to him.

“Whatever.” Her voice had calmed down and was now cold and emotionless again. Eren could practically see her eyes, muted with indifference which was how her expression normally was. “There will be money on the counter for this week’s groceries. Do you need anything for school or any new clothes?”

Eren actually did want new jeans, but he wasn’t about to tell her that and give himself a reason to be more indebted to her than he already was. “No, I’m good,” he answered gruffly.

The only reply he heard in return was her footsteps making their way down the hall. He waited for a while until he was pretty sure she had left for good before unlocking and opening the door. The house was silent and he made his way to the kitchen where he found stack of twenties.

Eren groaned loudly; he hadn’t wanted to fight with Mikasa, but every time he saw her he got angry all over again and he was horrible at reigning in his emotions. He stomped his way back into his room, flopping down on the bed for a few moments.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to clear his head. He partially succeeded, calming down enough to realize he had homework, and he opened his eyes. He sat up wearily to grab and search through his backpack to find all of his homework.

After about an hour of trying to focus on his homework, and failing miserably, Eren gave up and was surprised to see that it was already almost five o’clock. He set down his homework supplies and grabbed a bottle of aspirin on his nightstand, shaking a few ibuprofens into his hand to try and numb the pounding in his head.

Next he jumped in the shower, hoping the near-burning water would help ease his anger from earlier and relax his muscles. He didn’t want Levi seeing him like this, in one of his bad moods, and would’ve cancelled on him had the group therapy not been mandatory. He was out of the shower by 5:30, and he got ready quickly. He didn’t bother messing with his hair; no matter what he did it was always slightly messy. It was unfortunate, but a part of him hoped that Levi would find the slightly unruly locks endearing.

He sat down in the kitchen, waiting for Levi’s arrival impatiently, and at almost exactly 5:45 Eren heard a horn beeping from outside. His heartbeat picked up, like it tended to do when it realized Levi was nearby, as he locked up the house and made his way to Levi’s car. It was a slightly outdated, but very nice looking, 2007 Nissan Altima in a shade of green so dark, Eren would have thought it was black if not for the light located directly over the car. It was extremely clean and Eren almost smiled at how Levi-like it was for him to have an absolutely spotless car. He’d never seen it in the lot at school though and he made a note to eventually ask about why he didn’t drive it around.

Eren got in on the passenger side and shut the door softly once he was settled in. He didn’t talk, his mind returning to the fight he had had with Mikasa and he stared out the window, not even realizing they hadn’t started moving yet.

“Didn’t forget your keys or anything?” Levi’s voice seemed louder in the confined space and Eren jumped when he heard him start talking; he’d almost forgotten he was alone, which was a testament to how lost Eren could get inside his mind. Even with Levi speaking to him directly, Eren shook his head distractedly.

Levi was looking at him with scrutinizing eyes and he frowned, Eren’s silence slightly unnerving him. “What’s wrong, Eren?”

Eren turned to look back at him, slightly unfocused blue-green eyes meeting concerned gray. For some reason the look in Levi’s eyes reminded him of Armin’s eyes when they were filled were worry, which would have been funny to Eren had he felt like laughing. “Why would you say something’s wrong?” he asked innocently.

Levi saw right through it. _He didn’t answer the question,_ Levi noted. Aloud he murmured, “You’ve been talkative all week and the only thing I’ve heard you say tonight is the one sentence you spoke before this. That coupled with the fact you look really distracted leads me to believe something is wrong; so I’ll ask again, what’s the matter?”

Eren debated on not telling him, but Levi already knew something was wrong and figured it would be pointless to try and lie about it. “It’s nothing really; it’s just my sister came home today and we fought a little while she was there. It was nothing major, but it kind of sucks because I barely see her. And when I do see her, the same thing happens that happened today – almost every single time”

Levi hummed in a way that made it obvious he thought Eren was lying about it not being a big deal, but he didn’t push the issue and Eren appreciated it greatly. He was tired of talking about it, of thinking about it, and he let his mind empty as the car began moving.

They drove to therapy in silence, although Levi kept stealing glances at Eren and hoping he would talk about something. When he didn’t, Levi sighed and turned the radio to an alternative station, singing along to American Authors’ song Best Day of My Life even though it contrasted with the mood in the car. Eren listened happily, thinking to himself that Levi had quite a voice.

They arrived just a few minutes before therapy was supposed to start and got out of the car quickly, fast-walking to the building so they wouldn’t be late.

They got a few glances from some of the people there, but most of them didn’t really care and the room remained quiet except for a few whispered conversations from people who looked comfortable enough that they had probably gone to last week’s group as well.

The only available seats were separated and Eren sat by another teenage boy whose name he thought was Connie. On the other side of him was an extremely quiet but pretty girl, whose name was slipping his mind. She had blonde hair that hung down to her shoulders and blue eyes, with a petite frame, and Eren couldn’t help it that her looks reminded him of Armin.

Petra walked in soon after that and she sat down with a sigh. Her outfit was semi-casual in jeans and a blouse but she still managed to look professional. “Well, welcome back everyone. For most of you this is your third week here, but for others I know it’s only your second week. However, since all the chairs are full today, we’re going to get into groups and learn a little bit about each other since I think it’s the first time we’ve got everyone.

“We’ll start with groups of three. I’ll pick the first three, and then the groups of three after them may break off.” She glanced at Eren. “The first group will be Eren, Connie, and Historia. Break off into groups and stand in different areas of the room.”

Things were a bit confusing for several minutes while everyone broke off into their groups and got a place in the room, but once things had settled down, Petra called out for people to pay attention so that she could explain what they were going to do.

“The name of the icebreaker we’ll be doing today is ‘One Minute Please.’ All you have to do is talk for a minute on any subject you want. It could be something you find interesting, something you hate – anything as long as it says something about _you._ If you can’t go for a minute, I won’t yell at you or anything, but you must be talking with your group about something if you can’t talk about yourself or your interests. If I see any group go completely silent, I’ll hold you after to have each person in that group talk to _me_ about something. The same goes for any one person, so everyone should talk. You don’t want me holding you longer than I have to, I don’t want it either, so let’s just do the best we can now, okay?” She smiled to let people know she was just joking.

Some of the people in group chuckled, but Eren was nervous. Petra continued with her instructions. “We’ll also be doing rotations until everyone has met with each person. There are fifteen people in this group, so it should take about fifteen minutes. We may go longer just because everyone should introduce themselves again in the beginning, since I’m sure some people have forgotten names. So, that being said, we’ll aim for twenty minutes.”

She looked around the room. “Any questions… No? Okay, begin!” She pressed on something that looked like a timer and the room was filled with a cacophony of voices.

Eren’s group was one of the quietest and since he didn’t want to be held back, Eren just jumped right in. “Ah, well, I’m Eren Jaeger. I can’t really think of anything I want to talk about for a minute, so we can take my turn first and all talk a little bit. I’ve only been to the first group other than this one. I guess we should just get the introductions over first, because I’m not quite sure I remember you guys from the first time I was here.”

Connie sighed and introduced himself once Eren was finished speaking. “Um, I’m Connie Springer. I went to group last week as well the first week.”

Last to introduce herself was the girl Petra had called Historia.  Her voice was as quiet as her personality made it seem like it would be. “And I’m Historia Reiss. I’ve only been to the first group, and today’s group. I’m not good with crowds and generally try to avoid them. Even the amount of people here now is a little bit much for me.”

Her timid voice and demeaner coupled with the resemblance to Armin made Eren want to make her feel more comfortable and he decided to make everyone there feel a little more comfortable. He remembered how awkward he had felt the first week and didn’t want anyone else to feel the same way even if he would have rather remained silent.

Levi had been watching Eren throughout the group activities, gray eyes flashing angrily as he began to feel annoyed by the fact that Eren was talking so easily with everyone there, especially the blonde girl from his first group, when they had barely said two sentences to each other the entire ride over.

By the time Eren and Levi were finally in the same group, Levi was too annoyed to say much, and Petra noticed. In fact, she had noticed that he had been barely talking the entire time and she tapped him on the shoulder to let him know quietly that since he had been the most silent that he would be the only person staying to talk to her for an extra minute about something once group ended. Levi didn’t say anything in return, but Petra chose to take the silence as a sign he understood rather than a sign of something else like defiance. She had probably worked with kids much worse than Levi anyways.

That further dampened his mood, but thankfully the group activity ended soon after. He sat through the remainder of therapy with a scowl on his face while they took turns talking about the things they had learned about the others. It only made him angrier when Eren glanced at him innocently to ask what was wrong. _Like the brat doesn’t know,_ he fumed. _He flirts with me all week, doesn’t say a word on the way over and then makes the Historia girl laugh like crazy when I pegged her for the quietest one here_

Once everyone finished talking about the things they had learned from the others, Petra transitioned into talk about techniques that would help calm extreme emotions. She listed off some of the more commonly known techniques, such as listening to music, writing the thoughts you had down, but she also listed some that Levi had never heard of before, like watch aquarium fish on your computer screensaver or find something with a sweet scent and smell it.

She also talked about things you shouldn’t do when feeling an extreme amount of emotions like making major decisions or interact with people you know will make you angry.

Levi missed most of it though, too upset about Eren’s idiocy. He knew that he was being irrational, but a part of him still felt extremely jealous and he wasn’t sure how to stop from feeling it.

Finally group ended, and Levi told Eren with clipped words and a slightly icy tone to wait for him outside since he had to stay behind for another minute or two and talk to Petra. Eren glanced at him sympathetically and did as he asked, slipping outside to wait.

Once they were alone, Petra motioned for him to being. “Go ahead. Just talk for a minute.” He was staring at her a tad defiantly, but she just waited patiently for him to begin.

Levi sighed, but he decided to vent, not giving a damn what the therapist thought. As he started speaking, Petra clicked a button on a stop watch and listened to his words. “It’s so stupid when someone sends mixed signals. Flirts with you, then makes it seem like a joke and as soon as he’s around other people he pays more attention to them than he does to you. Don’t you think so?” He didn’t wait for an answer, asking it as a rhetorical question. “Then during the time everyone is quiet, including yourself, he looks at you and asks you with his stupid but beautiful eyes ‘What’s wrong,’ and you want to strangle him for even asking but then you want to kiss him because he’s got messy hair and nice skin and a good personality even if no one else thinks so but you.”

“Then, to top it all off you have to drive home with that same idiot and you have no idea what to do with him except listen to the radio or the silence because you don’t know what to talk about or what even interests him. This is all made even more infuriating by the fact that you have no idea why he affects you the way he does when you’ve barely known each other for two weeks.” Levi stopped to catch his breath after so many run-on sentences and he glared at Petra with eyes that seemed to say _, are we done here_?

Petra smiled warmly at the glare, and glanced down at her watch. “Fifty-five seconds is close enough. You can go home with ‘that idiot’ now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Levi muttered grouchily.

Petra shook her head, giving him a knowing look. “Lying isn’t good for you, you know.”

Levi didn’t answer as he felt his cheeks color. He stepped outside quickly to avoid having her say anything else embarrassing.

Eren was leaning against the wall of the building, hands in his pockets and staring up at the starry night sky. As Levi emerged, he smiled brightly and was about to get away from the wall when Levi stalked over to him, annoyance evident in his posture, before putting his hands on either side of Eren and making it impossible for Eren to move away from the wall without jostling him somehow.

Eren’s eyes were widened in surprise, and Levi’s blood was flowing quickly after the rant Petra had allowed him to have.

“You,” he growled. “What do you think you’re doing? Flirting with me so shamelessly at school, and then we have a fifteen minute drive here and you don’t say two things to me. Then when group activities start, you’re the most talkative I think I’ve ever seen you.”

Eren didn’t say anything in response, too shocked at Levi’s reaction to say anything although his cheeks colored with embarrassment. Internally he was rehearsing how he would tell Levi he liked him, since this seemed to be a perfect opportunity but before he had the chance to get the words out Levi continued speaking.

“Even if you forget everything else I said, just know this: you don’t flirt with me without consequences, especially when those flirtations cause feelings in me.”

Eren barely had time to register the dangerous glint in Levi’s gray eyes or time to register the words Levi had just spoken before Levi’s lips crashed down on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I hope you guys enjoyed the end, hehehe. I know I was smiling like an idiot with Levi ranting about Eren and all. <3
> 
> As always, comments are welcome!  
> I keep forgetting to let you guys know, but I am tracking the tag #fic: our afflictions (although all that's in there right now is a post about me being lazy with the update) and the tag #marytalouise if you want to get my attention on tumblr. c:
> 
> Until next time~ <3


	6. Something New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only real notes I have are that:  
> 1) I did create a playlist on 8tracks for the first six chapters. You can find it [here](http://8tracks.com/marytalouise/our-afflictions-the-start).  
> 2) I am tracking the tag #fic: our afflictions on tumblr  
> 3) As always, when you're finished your feedback is greatly appreciated!
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!

As Levi kissed him, Eren stood frozen in shock. When Levi ran a tongue over his bottom lip, he gasped in surprise, creating an opening for Levi to slip his tongue fully into Eren’s mouth. After several persistent motions with his tongue, Eren began to respond even against his better judgment. Levi explored Eren’s mouth thoroughly, overriding Eren’s sense of taste with something that was pure _Levi._

 _Damn it,_ Eren growled internally, _he’s a great kisser._

As he felt his body begin to react to the kiss in other ways, he snapped out of it and pushed the older teen away from him roughly. Anger and embarrassment flooded through his veins at being kissed so abruptly, along with a tad bit of disappointment at not being the first of the two to make his feelings known.

Levi’s normally apathetic gray eyes looked like liquid silver, flashing in the moonlight and Eren’s already ragged breath caught in his throat as he was caught off guard by Levi’s good looks. It wasn’t as though he had never seen the other teen as good looking, but it seemed to be highlighted and magnified by the moonlight and shades of gray around them that brought out the sharp angles of his face.

“What the fuck was that?” Eren sputtered, finally regaining the use of his voice.

Levi’s eyes narrowed and he scoffed. “What did it _feel_ like it was?”

The suggestive tone in Levi’s voice caused Eren’s cheeks to deepen to a dark shade of pink and he glanced away. “It felt like you were saying you liked me,” he muttered.

Levi smirked and his eyes glinted with amusement. “Ha, even you can use your brain when you focus.”

Eren scowled. “Don’t taunt me right now.” He was unsure of what to do now – he hadn’t thought as far ahead as what they would become once he had confessed his growing feelings, and he hadn’t even been the one to confess like he had hoped.

He took a deep breath, deciding to ask what Levi wanted after that kiss, figuring that asking directly and finding out the answer immediately was much better than not asking and being unsure for an extended amount of time. Eren motioned between the two of him with his hand. “So what do you want to happen between us now? Are we going to become boyfriends? I’m telling you right now I won’t be your fuck buddy.” Eren regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth but his embarrassment was affecting his brain-to-mouth filter and he hadn’t thought about the words beforehand.

Levi clenched his fists. He liked the kid, but sometimes Eren could be _an absolute shit._ “You’re a dumbass if you think all I want from you is sex. I know we haven’t exactly known each other for long, but I do like you.” His upper lip lifted in a soft smirk that masked his quiet annoyance. “I wouldn’t have kissed you like that if I didn’t like you.”

Eren felt ashamed at having accused Levi of just wanting him for sex; he hadn’t taken Levi as that kind of person and even if he had, Levi had seen his scars. No one would want to have sex with someone covered in scars when their own skin looked almost flawless, at least that was what a little voice whispered to Eren in the back of his mind. Eren wasn’t sure if he had been put in same position that he would have the same feelings, but that’s how depression worked. It snuck its way into the recesses of your mind and convinced you that you weren’t worthy of anything that “normal” people could have or do, and for Eren it especially applied to the idea of sex. He thought of sex as something that happened between partners that loved each other; he deserved many things, like the scars covering his body and the self-hatred, but he didn’t deserve love. He realized how ridiculous he was being although the thoughts wouldn’t completely leave him alone and he slid his eyes away from Levi’s, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” he said softly.

Levi grabbed the underside of Eren’s chin and turned his face so that he had nowhere to look but at Levi’s eyes. Those eyes were boring into him and he squirmed under the intense stare.

“If you’re going to apologize to me, you could at least make it seem sincere,” he quipped.

Eren shook his head, trying to break free of Levi’s surprisingly strong grip. “I was being sincere!” he protested. “It’s just…” He wanted to admit that he was ashamed of what he had said, but he had a hard time forming the words, his stupid pride getting in the way.

Levi rolled his eyes. “You could have fooled me.”

Eren frowned, irritation reflecting in his voice and in his turquoise eyes. “Then you’re easily fooled,” he snapped.

Levi’s eyes flashed dangerously but his voice was cold. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sassy little shit?”

That got Eren to smile and the tension eased a bit. “Not in those exact words, they haven’t.”

Levi stepped away from Eren, dropping his hand from Eren’s chin. His eyes were bright as he began to talk, seeming to have lost their dangerous luster. “Well now someone has.” He paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “To seriously answer your question from earlier, I would like for you to be my boyfriend… if you’re okay with that, of course.”

Eren was floored. He hadn’t expected Levi to be so honest with his intentions and it had caught him off guard once again. After a little thought, he supposed that seemed to fit how Eren imagined Levi acting, all straight-forwardness and a no-bullshit attitude. Even so, Eren was having a hard time accepting that Levi wanted to date him, just like that. “Though we’ve barely known each other for two weeks, you want to be in a relationship?” To Eren, the thought of dating someone so soon after they had just met seemed odd no matter the circumstances; wouldn’t Levi like to know him better before putting a title on whatever this was? What if it didn’t pan out? Eren had always heard break-ups were messy, although he had no experience with that himself and although he had heard rumors of people getting together after even less time, it only reinforced his belief that perhaps this was rushed – high school relationships rarely, if ever, lasted.

Levi rolled his eyes at Eren’s question. “Why is it you’re so hung up on the time we’ve known each other? I can get to know you by spending time with you, and dating gives us more opportunities to do just that. I’m not the type of person to make things awkward, so you don’t have to worry about the future of our relationship if things take a turn for the worst, which I’m hoping they won’t, but I’m not petty. We can take things slow; I just don’t want to give anyone else an excuse to take you away. I’ve never…dated someone, not really. So we’ll both be learning as we go.”

Eren scoffed at the the part about being taken away (who would want to date him? Frankly, it surprised him that Levi wanted to in the first place) but he was mostly shocked at the rest. Levi had basically addressed most of Eren’s fears and he was scared that he was becoming transparent, letting his emotions show through.

 _No, I don’t think that’s it either; I’m good at hiding how I feel. How does he_ do _that?_ Eren wondered. As he spoke aloud Eren’s voice didn’t reflect any of the surprise or other conflicting feelings flowing through him, “… I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.” Eren let out a breath of air that fogged up between them in the rapidly cooling night. “You’ll have to be patient with me, though. I don’t trust easily and I’ll try more than once to push you away because that’s the kind of person I am. Even though I know it, it doesn’t stop me from acting that way and I apologize in advance. If you think you can put up with that and are still willing to try it, I’m willing to try, too.”

Levi might have smiled, but Eren blinked and it was gone; he couldn’t be sure it had been there in the first place but he liked to think he had made Levi smile. “Good,” Levi murmured, seeming distracted. After getting a hold of himself he turned abruptly and started heading to the car, glancing back once to yell at Eren to “hurry his ass up” before he was left in the lot.

Eren blinked again, this time in confusion rather than out of necessity, and moved quickly to catch up to Levi. Eren snuck glances at Levi as they walked, and he could have sworn there was a bounce in the other teenager’s step that he hadn’t seen before. He wondered about Levi’s body language, thinking that although Levi seemed to be straight-forward when the situation called for it, that Levi wouldn’t have admitted to being happy now and that perhaps his body was more honest with his emotions than he allowed himself to be. Eren made a note to start studying Levi’s body language before he looked up and met a pair of amused gray eyes.

Eren blushed furiously as he turned his head and began to walk faster so that he was ahead of Levi, realizing he had been caught staring. _God damn it, so embarrassing!_ He swore he heard a chuckle behind him but his heated face stayed forward and he reached the car first, tapping his foot impatiently for Levi to unlock the car.

As Levi unlocked the doors and they both got in, Eren remained silent, looking out the window. As Levi began to drive out of the lot he glanced at Eren and decided to tease him, just a little.

“So, why were you staring at me?” he asked curiously, a slightly teasing lilt to his voice.

Eren glanced at him, irritation written all over his face. “No reason,” he muttered.

Levi thought about pushing it, but eventually decided against it. _I’ve put the poor kid through enough embarrassment for one night, I suppose._

Changing the subject, Levi spoke again, wanting to avoid another silent car ride. “So, what are you doing when you get back home?”

Eren groaned, remembering the homework he had waiting for him at home. “I have to work on homework, I didn’t get very far before I had to get ready to leave with you.” The mood seemed to darken for a second before it passed quickly. _Or he pushed the feelings aside,_ Levi thought as Eren finished. “I had a hard time concentrating.”

Levi glanced over at him before directing his gaze back to the road. He vacillated over whether or not to offer his help, finally deciding to do it. If he didn’t, the newly formed couple would get nowhere fast. “Do you need any help? I’m sure I could tutor you, I have A’s in most of my classes this year, and I got a 4.0 last year, without factoring the honor classes’ grade bumps.”

Eren bit his lip absent-mindedly, debating. _Well, I do need help._ “Yeah, I guess that would be good. I need help in pre-calculus the most, mostly because it bores me. English and history are interesting subjects but math is all numbers and formulas and it makes my head hurt trying to remember all the different things I need to use.”

Levi smirked. “It’s kind of ironic, math is my favorite subject.”

Eren made a sound of disgust. “ _Why?”_

Levi chose not to comment on the sound that had come out of Eren’s mouth and instead explained the reasoning behind his statement. “It’s the only subject that doesn’t really change. Numbers are just numbers, formulas and theorems are used because they’ve been proven to work. Of course they find out new formulas and theorems, but it essentially remains the same. History is created every day and different things become important and those are added to history books while other events are erased. Literature is hard because you have to assume what an author could have meant and there’s no ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ answers, as long as you have some kind of support for your assessments. Then there’s science that, although it has theories, is also always changing. If even one thing is found to prove a theory out the window you have to look for a different solution.” Levi took a breath, and Eren looked at him, surprised at the long speech. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like the fact that as long as you do everything right, math is the most concrete subject.”

Eren smiled softly and Levi caught it out of the corner of his eye. “What are you smiling at, brat?”

Eren shook his head slightly without the smile leaving his face. “You just surprise me, quite a lot actually. I was expecting a mundane or unoriginal answer like, ‘I think it’s fun to do,’ or ‘it’s the subject I’m best at,’ but I got a long and somewhat complicated answer.”

Levi was thankful for the darkness that hid his slightly pink cheeks. He cracked a window discreetly, starting to feel hot in the enclosed space of the car. “Well, excuse me for not being like everyone else,” he said sarcastically.

That earned him an outright laugh from Eren, and Levi had to admit that he liked the sound. “It isn’t a bad thing, don’t worry - it’s just not what I expected, that’s all,” he murmured. “It’s refreshing, in a way.” He turned to smile at Levi and the driver became slightly distracted by the genuine happiness that seemed to emit from that smile.

Levi hummed as an acknowledgement that he had heard and, being satisfied with the conversation, turned on the radio, plugging in a CD and switching it to the player. Levi turned the volume up as he switched it to The Cinema’s “Kill It.”

Eren stole glances at Levi as he sang perfectly in-tune on the ride home to most of the songs that came on, enjoying the ride despite the lack of conversation. The atmosphere wasn’t tense or awkward like the first ride had been and he smiled to himself, feeling comfortable for the first time in ages.

As they pulled up to Eren’s house, Levi shut off the car and the sudden silence was deafening. Eren glanced at him suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

Levi sighed, exasperation evident. “Did you seriously forget that I’m going to help you with your homework?”

Eren’s cheeks warmed and he smiled sheepishly. “Of course not,” he tried to lie.

At Levi’s dubious look Eren lamented. “Um, maybe?”

Levi shook his head, not bothering with a reply as he stepped out of the car, Eren doing the same.

As he walked to the house, Eren felt his heart begin to beat faster and he began worrying about the state of his room, remembering that he had needed to clean it. He turned around abruptly, nearly causing Levi to run into him.

Levi glared, but Eren wasn’t paying attention – his nerves were getting the best of him again. “Ah, I’m not sure how clean the house is? I mean, I know the kitchen and the living room are clean but my bedroom has some clothes on the floor, so if it bothers you just sit on one of my chairs and I can clean it for you real quick.”

Levi nodded, keeping the fact that since it was Eren’s home he actually didn’t feel as nervous as he might somewhere else. He could tell Eren was apprehensive about having him over but it made him slightly happy that Eren was worried about whether or not the house was acceptable. It just proved that Eren was thinking of him, if only a little. Living in a home that was usually empty, being worried over by someone that wasn’t Hanji was nice.

Eren unlocked the door quickly, inviting Levi in first before stepping in himself. He kicked off his shoes and invited Levi to do the same (only if he felt like it, of course). Levi did, and he followed Eren back to his bedroom, agreeing with Eren that both the living room and kitchen were well-kept.

As he entered the other boy’s room, Levi studied his surroundings and was surprised at the lack of personalization; the only thing that he could recognize as distinctly ‘Eren’ were the black and gold covers stretched out on his bed, and that was only because he knew that Eren’s favorite color was gold. _This room isn’t bad at all, for a teenager’s,_ Levi thought, slightly impressed. Of course it wasn’t up to his standards, but he had seen pictures of messy rooms that made him cringe and he knew that a lot of kids had messier rooms than this. The only things really out of place were the clothes littering the floor and the school supplies that were congregated around or on top of Eren’s desk. His laptop sat atop the desk as well, and Levi almost smiled, remembering that he had closed that same laptop in order to strike up a conversation with Eren the first time they had run into each other at the café.

Levi’s gaze wondered back to Eren and he watched as the teen rushed to pick up the clothes on the floor, putting them in a basket, and leaving the school supplies untouched since they would just be using them soon anyways.

Once Eren finished that task, he left the room for a second and came back with another chair, placing it next to the one in front of his desk.

“Alright,” he said, clapping his hands together once. Levi almost laughed aloud at the awkward gesture but managed to keep it in. He made his way over to the chair Eren had set out for him and sat down quietly. Eren sat down beside him and he grabbed his textbook, his notebook, and his homework paper.

Levi gestured to the page Eren had turned the textbook open to. “So, what part about this don’t you understand?” he asked.

Eren groaned, letting his head fall onto the desk with a thud. “I don’t understand any of it. I honestly can’t remember learning it. I feel like the homework is totally different from what Mrs. Gail teaches.”

Levi glanced at the assignment sheet and looked at Eren for a long moment.

“What?” he asked nervously.

“It’s on the. Wrong. Page.”

Eren blushed and flipped to the right page quickly.

Levi sighed and prepared himself for a relatively long night.

~

An hour and a half later and Eren finally had all the homework he needed done, done. Levi had asked for an aspirin about an hour ago and he had made a good decision. Eren was unbelievably stubborn and once he had it in his head that he was doing something right, it took a huge amount of willpower, perseverance, and patience to get him to change his mind. He had remembered a little less than half the formulas wrong and it had nearly killed Levi to patiently re-explain every one of them.

He rubbed his temples gently but jerked in surprise as Eren’s shoulder bumped his own lightly. “That wasn’t too bad, was it?” Eren asked tiredly, green eyes shining even through the exhaustion.

Levi rolled his eyes. “You can tell me that next time if you don’t have bags under your eyes and we finish in less than forty-five minutes.”

Eren scoffed. “That’s cutting it to half the time it took today!” He paused. “I don’t have bags under my eyes,” he muttered. “I’ve spent longer periods of time awake.”

Levi reached up to put a finger under one of Eren’s eyes. “Sure you do,” he tapped his finger gently, careful to keep it away from Eren’s actual eye. “Right here.” He moved his hand to the other eye and tapped. “And here.”

Levi froze once he realized how still Eren had become and how close he had gotten to Eren while focusing on the blue-black circles. Their faces were about six inches from each other and Levi slid his finger down to Eren’s neck, opening his hand so that it cupped the side of Eren’s neck gently. Levi could feel Eren’s pulse beating quickly through the thin skin and it snapped him out of whatever trance he’d been in for the short period of time.

“I think I should go now,” he said gruffly, trying to hide the attraction he was feeling towards the younger teen.

Eren cleared his throat. “Yeah, I guess. It _is_ kind of late.”

Levi got up first and made his way to the door, Eren getting up to trail behind him. Eren watched him slip on his shoes in silence, leaning against the wall as he tried to act calmly. Levi turned around once he was done with his shoes and met Eren’s eyes. “Well, thank you for having me over,” he said somewhat formally.

Eren laughed awkwardly, waving away Levi’s thanks. “No problem.” He seemed to hesitate before speaking again. “Come over again, sometime soon.”

Levi’s eyes widened and he smiled a smile so small that Eren wondered if it could really be considered a smile. Either way, it made Eren’s heartbeat pick up again and he smiled, too.

Levi opened the door and Eren came up behind him, ready to shut the door when Levi turned around and surprised him with a quick and soft peck on the lips that was very different from their earlier kiss.

When Levi pulled away Eren raised a hand to cover his mouth and cheeks in order to hide his embarrassment.

Levi chuckled and gave a half wave as he turned towards his car. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

~

Friday evening came quickly, and Eren marveled at how the small shift in his and Levi’s relationship had made the day seem a little less long. They had spent both of the lunches at school on Thursday and Friday together and had continued to spend seventh period together on both days.

Levi had suggested that they start spending most of their Friday nights at the café where their entire exchange had begun. Eren had a sneaking suspicion that Levi was a romantic at heart but he didn’t dare comment on the theory unless he wanted to be called an annoying brat that “didn’t know what he was talking about.”

Eren had a hard time keeping Levi off his mind, even while he worked out at the gym which was a first. Normally that was the only time he _didn’t_ think, but today his thoughts were filled with Levi. Those thoughts had inadvertently made him work harder as he had tried to outrun the thoughts in his head but, unsurprisingly, it hadn’t really worked.

He was slightly exhausted but as he walked to the café he couldn’t help but look forward to meeting Levi outside of school again. They hadn’t hung out since the night of the group therapy session and Eren was planning to invite him over Sunday or Saturday for a game day of sorts, if Levi was into that. If he wasn’t much of a gamer he would find something else for them to do, as long as he got to know Levi better. Something about the other teen piqued his curiosity and he found himself wanting to know more and more about Levi.

He entered the café as his thoughts came back to the present and he looked at their corner to find Levi already sitting down with a drink in his hand. He waved Eren over but Eren motioned that he was going to get a coffee first. Levi rolled his eyes and motioned again, this time with a threatening aura. It was Eren’s turn to roll his eyes but he made his way to Levi anyways, setting his gym bag on the floor next to Eren’s feet.

“I was going to get a coffee first,” he muttered sulkily.

Levi waved as if he could ward off the sentence. “I paid for a tall coffee for you and Hanji knows your regular order. Just sit down already, and bring your chair over here.”

Eren sighed even as he smiled and did as Levi asked. “Thank you, but you don’t need to buy my coffee for me, you know.”

Levi shrugged, putting his head on Eren’s shoulder and absorbing some of his body heat. “I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. Besides, you’re my boyfriend now. Hanji would have kicked my ass if I didn’t pay for your drink.”

Eren glanced down at Levi. “She knows?”

Levi nodded morosely. “She knows everything.”

Eren chuckled at Levi’s glum tone. “I doubt that.”

Levi raised a brow but didn’t comment; he knew he was right and that was all that mattered.

Hanji came to the table holding Eren’s coffee and she squealed a little at the fact that Levi was getting physically close to someone when he blatantly ignored her own attempts at affection.

“You lucky boy, you,” she said, motioning at Eren with eyes that shone with mischief.

Eren’s cheeks warmed and he took the coffee with a muted thanks. The door chimed before Hanji could continue talking and she skipped away back towards the counter.

Levi felt Eren freeze and he looked up to see who had entered the café that had made Eren react the way he acted. Levi himself stiffened as he recognized the same trio from the store – Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner.

They ordered their coffee without noticing the couple, but Bertholdt turned and caught sight of them soon after. He tapped Annie on the shoulder, motioning toward Eren and Levi.

They made their way over and both Eren and Levi sat up a little taller, with muscles much tenser than they had been a few seconds ago.

Annie and Bertholdt each pulled up a chair while Reiner stood in the background without and as silent as usual. Bertholdt raised an eyebrow and motioned towards the two of them sitting so close together with a questioning but harsh look in his eyes.

“So what’s this? You really weren’t fucking with me when you said you were gay?” Bertholdt’s voice grated on Eren’s nerves but he was determined to keep his calm. As Annie spoke Eren’s eyes moved to rest on her face.

Annie smirked beside him. “Of course he wasn’t, that’s not too surprising. However, your little stunt,” she said, pointing at Levi, “at the store the other day does makes a lot more sense now. You were jumping in to save your boyfriend, weren’t you?”

Eren’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Just get out of here; we don’t want any problems tonight, especially not in here.”

Annie tilted her head to the side thoughtfully but a devilish glint in her eyes caused Eren to want to shy away from her gaze. “I guess that’s too bad since I don’t really care what you want, isn’t it?”

Bertholdt laughed contemptuously, taking Annie’s statement and adding insult to injury. “We wouldn’t listen to a fag anyways.”

The trio jumped in surprise as a loud sound came from behind them. Hanji wiped her hands on her apron as the flap to the trashcan moved, indicating that she had placed something inside it. “Oops,” she said apologetically, voice full of sarcasm which showed she wasn’t sorry at all. “I’m such a klutz, anyone could tell you really, and it seems I’ve dropped your drinks in the trashcan. Dang, I’m sorry about that.”

Annie opened her mouth to yell something when Hanji became serious and her eyes roamed over the group menacingly. “Now, I don’t appreciate the language you were using nor the discrimination you were showing towards some of my favorite customers for their sexual preference, so I’d like you to leave.”

Bertholdt growled threateningly. “You can’t do that, we paid for our drinks!”

Hanji pointed to small lettering written on her café menu signs that read “This establishment reserves the right to refuse service to any customers for any reason we deem acceptable.”

Bertholdt was seething, wanting to protest, but Annie elbowed him gently, motioning towards the door.

Reiner was the last to turn around but before he did he mouthed “I’m sorry” towards Eren and Levi. Eren sighed as he watched them go, wishing Reiner could stand up to the people he called his friends. In another life, they might have even been friends had he not hung around that crowd, but as things were now Eren vowed to stay away from him and the trouble his friends brought.

It was Eren’s turn to lean his head against Levi’s shoulder as a little more of his exhaustion caught up with him.

They remained in the café until closing, talking about trivial things as well as joking around a bit. Even though Eren had had a good time, the interaction with the trio of bullies had caused him to change his mind about inviting Levi over, at least for the time being.

Before leaving the café, Eren promised to text Levi when he got home and Levi gave Eren a small kiss as they went separate ways. Eren stuck his buds in his ears, walking through the slightly lively town, the start of the weekend a reason for many to be out and about all hours. As the song “Through the Pain” by Madina Lake came on, Eren turned the volume up full blast, put the hood of his sweater up, and hurried home.


End file.
